confused
Kenny,
Hello Honey. Today has been a really hard day for me. I ran some
errands for my mom today. And as I came up to the Doctor's office
where I had taken you so many times, I became so sad. It was like
everything was flashing in front of me. Thinking about parking by the front
door,and me trying to hurry and get a wheelchair for you. And someone
always helped us get you in the chair. I would go and park the car,and
get back to you as quick as possible. As we would be going up to the
doctors office, I would always feel this horrible knot in my stomach.
I prayed everyday for good news,some kind of miracle would happen.
But, it never did. Even though I would tell you , you can't give up,because
if you do, we don't have a chance. And I really believed that for a long time.
I think it was three days before you passed away, that I finally realized
that you weren't going to make it. We went through so much together
for over two years to try and make each day a better day . It was
so hard watching you in so much pain,and watching you get weaker
almost everyday. But, even at your weakest, you were always saying
something to keep me up,and to make me feel that I was a stronger
than I was. Your strength and our love over the years is why I can
make it today.
I thought last week, and even said to some of my family that I
really thought I was doing good. That the fog was lifting,and I
was getting a lot of support now,and was trying to support
others as well. Today, really hit me hard Kenny. I really need you
here, I need to talk with you. You were everything to me. I
can't thank you enough for all the happiness you brought
into my life. The last six years, I laughed and appreciated
everything in life more than I had in my whole 56 years.
I'm going to try my hardest to put a smile back on,the way
you would have wanted me to.You always said you loved
my smile. So this smile is for you honey.
And I pray that tomorrow will be a better day.
I love and miss you so so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve4XD4LveU0&feature=fvsr
Your girl always,
Dee Dee
Hello Honey. Today has been a really hard day for me. I ran some
errands for my mom today. And as I came up to the Doctor's office
where I had taken you so many times, I became so sad. It was like
everything was flashing in front of me. Thinking about parking by the front
door,and me trying to hurry and get a wheelchair for you. And someone
always helped us get you in the chair. I would go and park the car,and
get back to you as quick as possible. As we would be going up to the
doctors office, I would always feel this horrible knot in my stomach.
I prayed everyday for good news,some kind of miracle would happen.
But, it never did. Even though I would tell you , you can't give up,because
if you do, we don't have a chance. And I really believed that for a long time.
I think it was three days before you passed away, that I finally realized
that you weren't going to make it. We went through so much together
for over two years to try and make each day a better day . It was
so hard watching you in so much pain,and watching you get weaker
almost everyday. But, even at your weakest, you were always saying
something to keep me up,and to make me feel that I was a stronger
than I was. Your strength and our love over the years is why I can
make it today.
I thought last week, and even said to some of my family that I
really thought I was doing good. That the fog was lifting,and I
was getting a lot of support now,and was trying to support
others as well. Today, really hit me hard Kenny. I really need you
here, I need to talk with you. You were everything to me. I
can't thank you enough for all the happiness you brought
into my life. The last six years, I laughed and appreciated
everything in life more than I had in my whole 56 years.
I'm going to try my hardest to put a smile back on,the way
you would have wanted me to.You always said you loved
my smile. So this smile is for you honey.
And I pray that tomorrow will be a better day.
I love and miss you so so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve4XD4LveU0&feature=fvsr
Your girl always,
Dee Dee
Replies
Well, that just made me cry! I can relate to the long struggle, the hoping for good news and the frequent trips to dr and ER. I wish my husband would have given me the chance to be the loving and supportive wife, but he chose to push me away. I think he thought it would be easier for me in the end, and sometimes I think maybe it was. But it is not the ending I would have written. Yours was sweet...bittersweet...but sweet. (((HUGS)))
Aw, that was so sad. I hope it helped to write it out. I wish I could help you not feel that loss so much. You can chat with me anytime.
Hi Dee Dee, that is very familiar writing & expression. Unbelievably familiar!!! Just the day before, I turned around where we spent 4 years w/ Chemo, Oncology meetings & the last year of total silent fear. Concentrating to be as strong for Her as I could. The associated feelings & knot in my Heart were all to familiar. The wheelchair, the knot of tears in silence, all to familiar. Such a difficult path to membership. I\'m so counting on the \" time heals \" part of this, w/ out guilt of surviving. Very touching Dee XX
I can so relate to this one.