getting there
I have reached the stage where I can now vocalise to people that my son has CP. This is a major step for me, because I was never able to say that, not even to myself. I guess I was consumed in denial. I thought he would out grow it, it was all just a mistake, maybe it's a dream. But the reality of the situation is that I am very much awake, and my son has some form (not sure which yet) of cerebral palsy.
I was so conscious of what people thought if he held his head slightly to one side, or if he wasn't clearly understand when he vocalized. When he wanted to stand (with me holding his shoulders or arms) and take steps, I wasn't comfortable in case someone realised something wasn't quite right. Lastnight however that changed.
The family went to a Christmasy outing where there were plenty of little children running all over the place, and being in my arms was not an option for my son, immediately he wanted to get down. My first inclination was ''there are so many people here, people will stop and stare, people would realise that something is not quite right with my pumpkin'' But despite all my random thoughts I put him down anyway, and he took off! (with me holding him of course) and he was soo happy and thrilled (so much so it was a struggle to pick him back up (which is what I have to do since I cannot hold over and walk everywhere especially back to the vehicle).
He wanted to climb the stairs (obviously a challenge), he wanted to kick rocks in the rock garden, he wanted to be independent. Not once did he look around to see who was watching, not once did he seem to care that I had to hold him for him to be mobile, not once! And it dawned on me, why should I quench my son's happiness all in efforts to pretend that there is nothing wrong with him, why should I care who looks at us when I have to hold him so he can feel somewhat independent when he takes steps? the answer is simple. I SHOULDN'T! and so, we 'walked' around lastnight, attempted to take the stairs and had fun.
When people say oh, he must run you around the house!, I say well i'm sure he would love to, but he has cererbal palsy so we aren't quite to the running around the house stage just yet.
Some people stare, some do not, some people whisper, some do not; but I cannot and will not deny my son what little independence he can feel from doing simple things like standing when I hold him or attempting to take steps.
I am not 100% in acceptance mode, but thank God i'm 90% out of denial mode, because now the true healing can begin!
I was so conscious of what people thought if he held his head slightly to one side, or if he wasn't clearly understand when he vocalized. When he wanted to stand (with me holding his shoulders or arms) and take steps, I wasn't comfortable in case someone realised something wasn't quite right. Lastnight however that changed.
The family went to a Christmasy outing where there were plenty of little children running all over the place, and being in my arms was not an option for my son, immediately he wanted to get down. My first inclination was ''there are so many people here, people will stop and stare, people would realise that something is not quite right with my pumpkin'' But despite all my random thoughts I put him down anyway, and he took off! (with me holding him of course) and he was soo happy and thrilled (so much so it was a struggle to pick him back up (which is what I have to do since I cannot hold over and walk everywhere especially back to the vehicle).
He wanted to climb the stairs (obviously a challenge), he wanted to kick rocks in the rock garden, he wanted to be independent. Not once did he look around to see who was watching, not once did he seem to care that I had to hold him for him to be mobile, not once! And it dawned on me, why should I quench my son's happiness all in efforts to pretend that there is nothing wrong with him, why should I care who looks at us when I have to hold him so he can feel somewhat independent when he takes steps? the answer is simple. I SHOULDN'T! and so, we 'walked' around lastnight, attempted to take the stairs and had fun.
When people say oh, he must run you around the house!, I say well i'm sure he would love to, but he has cererbal palsy so we aren't quite to the running around the house stage just yet.
Some people stare, some do not, some people whisper, some do not; but I cannot and will not deny my son what little independence he can feel from doing simple things like standing when I hold him or attempting to take steps.
I am not 100% in acceptance mode, but thank God i'm 90% out of denial mode, because now the true healing can begin!
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