life....

 
I know I need to make these changes. I have said it for years.  I am so ready to get moved from here and go where it's warm and the feeling is happier.  Like... Florida.!  I lived there for a year and a half. and I loved it!  Came back I thought to make my marriage better, instead got divorced.  I should have stayed there.
I talked to my LDR x eric84 from here, the other day.  It was nice.  I couldn't believe what I had heard.  It's been almost a year since I've seen him. Since we broke up.  He said, " I still love you"  I couldn't believe it.  I had never heard him say this to me since.  Somedays I wish we would have made it work.  But he was so inscecure about my x that it caused so many problems, he had anger issues, double standards, etc.  But there was something about him, that drew me to him.  WE did have fun together, and he did hear me out from time to time. Anyway.. he is moving out of his house, due to forclosure, and moving into an apartment in a couple of months.  It made me wonder what it would had been like for us, if we had made it.
My daughter is getting married next year to a guy that isn't too good for her, but I feel, if it is who she wants to be with and loves, then she needs to to figure it out. She is 28.  She has to go through the life lessons. 
I am just ready to move from here and start my life over.  But right now I can't.  My mom found out a month or so ago she has lung cancer, and I can't afford to right now anyway.  BUT that is my goal.  once I can afford to, then I will go. I can always to back and see her. 
I have lived my life for everyone but me.  now is the time for me, even though it is sooo hard for me to do it. Always afraid what others think or feel about what i say or do. I know I need to change that.
Well enough,, take each day at a time...