I was able to see my kids today.  I suspected that my stbx was dropping the kids off at sunday school and attending a differnet chruch service than the one I use to attend so I fed my curiosity and was reward.  I was easter the last time I got to see them so I was more than excited. My oldest crawled over to her mother and ignored me the whole time.  The younger two were crawling all over me like the do when they see me. My oldest girl has gotten a hair cut different than before but it looks cute.  I am concerned over her behavior.  Joey is the same as always. My youngest has put on same weight and was giving me kisses and hugs.  I was more than glad to see them but now I am truly convinced that my x does not want me around the children.  She has managed to keep them away from me for quite along time.  Court motions, skipping church, not picking up the phone, her lawyer draggin his feet are her methods.  I know she truly hates me but to what end is she hopeing for.  I know I have no say so in who she brings around my children as long as they are not abused, but to run me off or keep me away is tragic.  I know she brings a guy around but is she trying to substitute me?  I will have my day in court soon.  Her allegations will be met with truth and alot of hard work on my part.  I know I have lost alot ground in this struggle and will never get to gain some of the ground lost but I am truly tired and just want to be a dad again.  It is so hard to live without them, haveing the person I use to be in love with hurting me in this way.  I keep hearing people tell me that "you will have the kids soon, "You will have time with them."  How do they know???  It has been four months, lots of time and money and I will still not get to see them like I use to.  Another man gets to take my place raising my youngest daughter, doing things that I used to do with my son, spending this time with my oldest daughter, and I get to pay the child support.  What is wrong with this world???  What......................................................