I am comining to the revelation that all that happened for a reason.  Right now the kids are going thru hell and it may be easier now for them to adjust to things with me out of the picture.  I know I will get some time with them soon but something struck me the other day when i was thinking that it was going to be the first easter without them.  how much of that sorrow is me being selfish.  They may not be missing me at all.  I want them with me for the holiday but then again it is not possible with the gulf between their mother and I.  I want them with me because of the glowing feelings they give me, I never once stopped to think about them.  I know they would be happy to see me on easter, but they are just as happy with there mother.  I guess this is the silly step the call acceptance.  I am no longer going to have anything at all like a normal life with my kids and it time that I come to terms with that.  I will still fight to be in there lives but it will be a much lesser role than I had once felt possible when the were given to me by God.  I will care and protect them to the day that I die, I just wont always have the privalidge of being there all the time.  Who know?  They may want to come live with me.  Blessed Easter to all of you my friends