To say the evening was awkward would be an understatement.  Atleast the kids had fun and they all enjoyed their gifts.  I can tell they miss me.  My x was present and I just could not look at her, espcially after all she has done to my kids and I.  I forgive her, but I am just sadden by the actions of a person who use to say she loved me.  I will sleep at my parents house again, stange how it comes full circle.  I do remember when I was young and how much fun this time of the year is.  It has been rough and I am sure more is yet to come.  I half way think my x feels bad about the way she has done me.  My youngest was so cute that I still cant get it out of mind ( not that I want to).  I have dinner with my family tomorrow then of to my best friends house to have dinner with his family.  Strange how much I mean to other people and dont even it know it at times.  I am very thankful that I have been useful to so many and I suppose I will contiue to do so.  How will it all end?