Hi

Hi all. I've been doing better. I still have a few rough patches but I have been busy all week so that has defintely helped. I did take dinah88's advice I wrote a letter, but I didn't show it to my boyfriend. I simply couldn't get up the courage. Even though I didn't show it to him I have managed to communicate many of the same points throughout the letter. So writing it defintely helped me get a better perspective on how I really felt it also helped get it all "Off my chest". I would defintely recommend it to anyone. For a while now I have been feeling scared I guess you could call it. It's been going on for a few years. I keep getting this feeling of being trapped. I get terrified of making big decisions and I would much rather that someone tell me what to do. I hate thinking for myself, yet all I ever do is think. I think more then I talk. But this week I began driving school. I'm still very nervous about learning to drive. I have this thing where if I get confused or scared I back away. I have done this many time holding a butter knife(not sharp) and all of a sudden something causes me to let go of it. It falls and I immediately back away so that I don't get the spread(butter,jam...) on me. I have this fear that if one day while I'm driving I find myself in a near collision or if I get distracted I will just stop thinking and back away and possibly make things worse for myself. I have already done this before. I snapped back to reality time enough to put my foot on the brake before going into a fence(with my dad's help). One thing I keep telling myself when I get afraid or begin to worry is that I need to have faith and stop worrying about things that are out of my control or that are a long time away. Thank you all for the hugs and best wishes. I appreciate them all, this week has been good and I find it hard to believe that my appointment with my therapist is only a week away. I've come to realize some good things on my own in the past month, but one thing I'm not going to do yet is cut back on the sessions. Hopefully I'll get through the next week a lot better then I have the past month. May God bless you all and may he help you with whatever you need!-Hannah