I think I may have finally got over the awful paralysis that seems to have overcome me when thinking about getting ready for Christmas!  First and foremost, from our visit to Manchester last week, it seems pretty certain that D will be starting on a trial early in January - subject to lots of tests for the drug company, but the hospital has assured us that these are just formalities. I have to believe that, and, certainly, we feel that we can now look forward to the holiday season, and beyond, with lighter hearts. So today we finally got a tree! I decorated it this afternoon, while D was sleeping, and snow started falling (it doesn't usually snow much here - I'd like to think this is for us!). so he came downstairs to the treee, and a white landscape outside. A lovely moment. I think one part of my ambivalence about this year's Christmas has stemmed from D's first consultant, back in July, who told us that this one would probably be his last (without really knowing anything about mRCC) - and I think it's been in the back of both our minds ever since. But, we don't believe him any more - indeed, I think it's vital that we don't - and instead we're just trusting that we'll have many more together. And, at the same time, I guess we should make this one special because we've got each other, and our love, which has just got stronger and stronger as we carry on through this. Again, it all comes back to seizing the moment.....not always easy!