Well...i've fully accepted that, yes, i am an alcoholic with a powerful disease. This thought is all that is holding me together as now i feel like there must be hope for me if i surrender and ask for help. I am going to try my best to get to a meeting soon.. although i am terrified to go. I feel like i've been fighting myself for so long and now i have no more strength. I will surrender... i will give my life to god(a higher power). So please if anyone can, pray for me because this is going to be tough...