10 more days!!
Good Morning SOTH's.....It's Monday morning and count down to "time off for 7 weeks" - I have 7 more days (4 minimum days) and then 3 more after students are gone to clean up, etc. I can't wait - I'm tired most days and as I have journaled before, this 2nd year is really taking it's toll on me, missing Jennifer.
Not a day has gone by, that I don't have a tear in my eye and lately waking up early (3:30 - 4:00) with thoughts of Jennifer in the hospital and why, I should have, SIGH...... wish I would have.......Just really struggling in my heart & head so time off will be welcomed here!!!
Have a great week - Sending much love to you all. (((hugs))) Vicki
Not a day has gone by, that I don't have a tear in my eye and lately waking up early (3:30 - 4:00) with thoughts of Jennifer in the hospital and why, I should have, SIGH...... wish I would have.......Just really struggling in my heart & head so time off will be welcomed here!!!
Have a great week - Sending much love to you all. (((hugs))) Vicki
Replies
Vicki, you did all the best for Jennifer. How we all wish we could have changed the inevitable for our kids. I know you would have moved heaven and earth to save your daughters if you could have. I used to have what I call \"magical thinking\". What it was just happened to be thinking that somehow I could have changed something..that i should have known that Ed had a heart anomaly (he was asymptomatic). What we poor moms do to ourselves. Jennifer and Marissa and Ed know we did our best but we could not change what happened. Be gentle on yourself. Your girls do not want you beating yourself up.
Enjoy your summer off when it arrives -woohoo!
Love and wishes for peace for you, Linda
Understanding my friend on ALL levels and oh, how I wish I did not... Deepest of sighs...
I still awaken early many mornings and look at it as my time with Douglas because somehow reframing it in this way has helped me to continue my relationship with him. I guess it\'s when it\'s quiet that I truly listen, perhaps and then I don\'t feel so frustrated with the early hours.
You are doing your best in caring for SO many and now in these weeks ahead of vacation please place yourself at the top of your list, promise?!
The reality of the second year of loss is a huge one as all the numbness seems to fade away and the stark reality of not having our children with us in the ways that we always hoped and dreamed just plain hurts...
Easy does it as you say good-bye to another school year and job well done, dear Vick, job well done!
Much love and care to darling Jennifer and her wonderful mom,
XO Joanie
As a retired school secretary, I can relate so well to how you feel! Summer time off is so welcome and goes by too fast. I am sure you are a blessing to many of the students! Our school nurses worked at many schools so my coworkers and I had to be \"nurses\" much of the time. (I can spot lice at a glance and pick them along with the best. I could often smell strep.)
As a mom with a loss, of course I can relate to that too. I was fortunate because I did not have to deal with both at once because of my long period of illness. As you know the second year was the worst for me and I hoped the third would ring in soon. Unfortunately, it was hard too, but went better for me during the last half and into the fourth year.
Here\'s hoping your summer is more peaceful and less stressful! I made the mistake of letting stress get to me, so try to learn from my example, although I know it was easier said than done. Can\'t wait to hear what your summer adventures are. Sending love, Leda
Vicki-
I am soooo with you. I have 2 weeks left, and I\'m exhausted. My Special education classes have been so challenging considering my son passed in November. It\'s been a struggle, but I\'ve made it. And we have made it...Yeah it\'s almost time for 7 weeks off. I can\'t wait. Hugs to you!!!
Chris
The second year was the worse for me, after both my husband and sons\' deaths. I am nearing year four, since my son died and it I am still in a daze. I hope your summer vacation helps you, in many ways.
(((HUGS))), Julia
All those shoulda, woulda, couldas really wreak havoc with our peace don\'t they? You need lapping waves to quiet those noises..c\'mon vacation!
iT TOOK MY DAUGHTER 81 DAYS TO DIE IN A HOSPITAL, SHE HAD LUPUS AND SUFFERED FOR 15 YEARS WITH IT. IT WAS SO HORRIBLE. SHE DIED ON 1/18/2003. I ,DID,NT MAKE IT IN TIME TO BE WITH HER. FOR YEARS ALL I THOUGHT WAS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MOTHER I FAILED MY CHILD GUILT IS ALWAYS WITH ME. EMPTYNESS NEVER GOES AWAY . 11 YEARS. SOME DAYS ARE GOOD. BUT SHE NEEDED M E AND I WAS NOT THERE. PEOPLE HAVE GIVEN M E ADVICE. TRYED TO HELP ME DEAL WITH MY GUILT . IT COMES AND GOES. . I GUESS THERE IS NO PERFECT MOM AND ALOT OF TIME WE CAAN BE THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD BEST FAMILY LOVE GOOD HOME. AND THE KID TURNS OUT TO JUST A REALLY MESSED UP CHILD. HOW DO WE BLAME OUR SELFS ??? THAT IS WHAT MY SHRINK TOLD ME. AND IT MAKES SENCE WE HAVE NO CRYSTAL BALL TO SEE INTO THE FUTURE . SO I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE VACATION. AAND BLESS YOUR ANGEL. LOVE MARY ANN
I admire the fact that you are still working so hard. Sometimes it is necessary to just \"be\", and do things you WANT TO, not what you HAVE TO. You deserve this coming time of rest. Make the very most of it, my friend! xxx
I know you will be able to re-group on your vacation. Relax and enjoy the signs of love from your Jennifer as you travel this journey. Peace to you Vicki!!! xoxox