10/8/2010 - this is what he said...
My boyfriend is in China and several nights ago, when we were video chatting, I cried when I told him I picked up the tox report on Andy. He was upset for I was hurting and asked "knowing no matter what the tox report said, you would be upset, then why pursue that?" I cried and I told him I needed to terminate the conversation temporarily and got back to him in 15 mins. I was going to recollect myself. Then 15 mins later, he was gone. Next I found out he went for a walk.
He loves me and when I hurt, he hurts. I did tell him how to comfort me, just be there, hugs etc. I don't know, perhaps I should let this go for I do not want to burden or ruin others' emotion.
Today I got this email... and please comment....
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I do not know if I have the ability to deal with it; there is no way for me to ever understand; there is no way for me to ever provide you with comfort; there is nothing that I can do but watch you be sad... I like to at least be able to try to fix things but this is so far out of my reach... there is simply nothing that I can do...
There is nothing that I can bring to you. No emotional, physical or financial support of any kind... I just add to your burden and it is all ready a very heavy load.
He loves me and when I hurt, he hurts. I did tell him how to comfort me, just be there, hugs etc. I don't know, perhaps I should let this go for I do not want to burden or ruin others' emotion.
Today I got this email... and please comment....
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I do not know if I have the ability to deal with it; there is no way for me to ever understand; there is no way for me to ever provide you with comfort; there is nothing that I can do but watch you be sad... I like to at least be able to try to fix things but this is so far out of my reach... there is simply nothing that I can do...
There is nothing that I can bring to you. No emotional, physical or financial support of any kind... I just add to your burden and it is all ready a very heavy load.
Replies
What I sense in this email is that he feels helpless when he\'s with you in your intense sorrow and pain... this is how so many of us feel because we do just want to \"fix\" and to \"solve\" and to ease one another\'s burdens. I hope that he can learn or you can teach him how you need to be companioned and it\'s just to BE with you. It\'s not about the doing yet all about the being and I sense that is what you are longing for. So many healing hugs sent your way and do you think it might be wise to tell him that you will continue this conversation in person? Just a thought and let us know how you are unfeeling and how this unfolds. Be gentle with yourself... Love and hugs, Joanie
Morning Doll,
I know the email only added to your suffering. I\'m sorry. I don\'t know how long you have been in this relationship. But, I do know, some people, especially men, have a hard time dealing with a woman, who has special needs, they don\'t know how to react to...I\'ve been married for 30 years. And I love my husband, more than life. But, he has a very hard time expressing his feelings, sometimes. And sometimes still misses his cues, as to what I really need. That\'s why FMO sisters give me so much help, when I\'m down, because, they know what I\'m feeling and what to say, most of the time. Hope your relationship works out, but truthfully, I would not expect a lot of emotional support from him, at this time.... Love and hugs, and prayers for you to heal, mind, body and spirit....Gay
I think that he is so frustrated and not being able to help you and to he has no idea what you are going through. Only those of us that have lost a child can really understand thde hurt we are feeling. Talk to him and tell him that and then tell him all you need from him is someone to listen to you and be there to give you hugs and love. Good luck.
Meant to say, \"how you are feeling\"... this A.M. Sorry about that. I must learn to be a better proof reader when my hands cannot type as fast as my thoughts are going. Take care of you as this has been such an emotional week with all that you have faced. XO
Thank you, my friends. I do feel he feels hopeless, helpless. No one can stand others when they are hurting, esp. there is love.
He is a nice guy and I will want to keep him.
One side note: I lost my only son and he has 16 kids. Imagine how humorous God is.