10/20/21
Back again. I'll be doing pretty good, then i'll go two steps back. I've cried the past 3 nights, thinking about Lorie. There for a long while it seemed I could feel her close to me...but now she seems distant. I no longer get the flashing light bulb signals either. (see journal before this)
I have met a friend on a chat platform online. Strictly chatting..and she's so very nice and caring. She's different than any one i've ever met or talked to on there. We talk maybe 3 times a week, sometimes more. Sometimes I feel guilty for talking to her. We tell each other we love each other but it's strictly friendship and only on this platform. I do NOT have anything to do with anyone online in real life. Last night I was upset about Lorie and I wrote and told my online friend that I wouldn't be on because I was having emotional issues. She knows I am grieving Lorie's death..which was January 21 of this year. She suggested I talk to someone about it. I have talked to her a little, but she feels bad because she can't do more to help. One other thing...I am NOT looking for another relationship. Lorie is and was my true love and I can't wait to join her in heaven one day.
I have physical problems that limit my mobility. I walk with a walker and also have agoraphobia. I'm home 24/7. The computer is my source of most everything. I have no r/l friends close by. My mom lives next door but she's 92 years old.
Today I feel a little better but I can tell i'm on the edge. Is it normal to feel close to your departed loves some days..and less on others? We were together for 21 years and were never apart. I sleep with a pillow case with her picture on it.
My online friend said that if she might be causing me to feel guilty and that was why i was having a hard time...that she would understand if I had to have some "off" time. This is definitely not what i need. I couldn't believe that she came up with this...when I had already wondered about it myself. That's how in tune we are with each other.
so...i'm going to eat my lunch and keep praying.
Replies
Hi Di, sending lots of love from us all. i'm so glad, and thankful you're taking things a day at a time, and taking time to allow yourself to grieve Lorie. You both, will always share a very close bond, that will forever be in your heart. it's very special, that bond, and how you both shared many times, years together. i believe loved ones who have passed on, are a prescence in our lives, always, and forever, due to the wonderful times shared, and memories that are forever in our hearts<3 it's so nice, you're taking time, to allow your heart to grieve, and also making a new friend to talk too, about things, it can be very helpful to talk, sharing, and can truly be theraputic. Take all the time you need. friendship is really special, and can help us through so many times, we encounter in life, whether it's rough times, or even good times to share in, friendship sharing, is a wonderful thing :)
it's so nice Di, you're sharing ,writing, and allowing your heart time, to pace yourself with each day :) You're a great person, always a very dear friend over the years :) i appreciate you very much :)
wishing you continued comfort, peace, and sunny days ahead, where you can enjoy times, things in life, that brings your heart joy :) i know Lorie, would want that for you, with the love, and very special bond you both share, she'll always be in your heart, and with that, she'll share in all your happiness, all the times that may be sad, but most importantly feeling the close bond, that will always keep you close with Lorie :)
Sending lots and lots of love, and our most warmest caring friendship hugs, from our hearts, and home to yours <3 Take good care, our best wishes :)
Glad to hear you have a friend to talk to during this time. Sorry you are feeling so bad the past few nights. I will be praying for you.