10/08/09

I'm starting up my journal again, I'm going to keep the first two private but from here on out they'll be public.  I feel I need to write down my thoughts or I'm going to go insane, maybe by doing this I'll find out more about myself.   To those of you who read these journals, friends and others, you might not like what you read but maybe I won't either.  I know I have deep issues, love, my CP, death, depression, etc.  Knowing me, most of my entries will be deep and long, a few might be light and meaningless, but that's usually not me. As for this entry, I just feel lost, my last day of work for my seasonal job is October 30th, I'm not sure what the future holds for me after that, I'll have some doctor appointments in November, maybe a tendon surgery after that which would put me out for months.  If not it will be unemployment and job hunting, and if I don't find a job I doubt I'll return to this job next year.  I've been there 5 years since college and I just think its time to go, I felt that way last year but I came back this year because I couldn't find anything for work.  But this year I think I have to leave for good whether I find a job or not I'll probably choose not to return. There's times lately I feel like I just want to leave for good and travel.  I'm not tied down for any reason, I'll have no job soon, I have no girlfriend/wife, no friends, I have family and a dog that's about it.  I don't want that to sound harsh, I love my parents, but my feelings of leaving outweigh my reasons to stay.  I also realize there's a good chance I wouldn't return home alive if I traveled where I want too.  My journey would take me from the east coast, through the rocky mountains to the west coast, down to the southwest, and back up through the appalachian mountains.  Its a journey that would take me around the US, and I'd stop at many natural parks, maybe even document my journey.  But I realize the risk involved, but while I'm still young and have no attachments I feel this is something I must do, I want to see the country in all its beauty before I die.  For that I'm willing to leave.  The movie into the wild had a big impact on my outlook of life, I related to the main character so much it was crazy.  I feel if I don't find someone soon and fall in love and settle I'll be on my way and gone for good.  Right now I have no reason not to go...   I'm also going to put a music link after each entry to try and express what I'm feeling in each entry, or just songs I like.  Music is a big part of my life, so I feel I have to include it.  This one is more of what I'm feeling, I hope you enjoy my taste in music.  Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXu0LuS-V18