1 week to go

I was deleting a few emails that have accumulated in my mailbox and came across emails from two years ago that my brother had sent me. I just needed to see his name and read them. I know that I will never hear from again but I can not bring myself to delete them. I miss him.I can wish all I want that he is not dead but as we all know only some wishes come true. I saw his wife (ex) with her new little baby ...she is so cute. I thought that I would resent the fact that her child is not my brothers, but after holding her, I knew that I would never be her aunt even if I wanted to...I felt no attachment to this child. She would now have been married a year with a four month baby...my brother will be dead for two year next monday. I am glad that she has moved on, but I wish I could do the same.June is going to be a sad...10 days after my brothers death anniversary I will be facing what would have been my due date. I am still trying to figure out how I am going handle everything. I am just hoping that on June 10th we get good news that we are expecting again...then maybe June will be less sad.I feel a little stressed out. One of our retirement parties is not going well. the venue closed down suddenly, then the guest book I was putting together through Costco may not be ready for three weeks and the party is on June 12th. I am also the Costco rep for our school and some of the mat leave people are now hounding me about their memberships which closed last thursday, but they notified me the day after....At least wonderland went a but smoother...except at the end...One student who was suppose to be on our trip missed the bus in the morning and decided not to go...so we marked her absent. She took off to the mall and met her 24 year old boyfriend but never told her parents where she was...(she is 18 years old). Her mother met us at school as the buses were arriving and she was frantically looking for her daughter. I broke my heart to let her know that her daughter never made our trip and was marked absent...when she did arrive (after frantically calling her boyfriend's friend), the mothers fear turned into anger...it looked like she was ready to kill her daughter...when her father arrived we thought for sure that someone was going to get hurt. I had leave around 10pm ( I had been up since 5am) so I missed the rest of the drama. I guess I will find out on Monday what happened.Today I just want to call up work and quit...actually I want quit TTC, being sad and stress. Perhaps then I can be blissfully happy for a time.I am still waiting for someone to call me for summer school but I am also glad that has not happened yet.