1-8-2016/sorry if this doesn't make sense I can't type as fast as I think and if it's all over the p

I don't know where to start except that I was 62 day free from lying. Till for some reason I decided to lie by keeping things for the love of my life. She says she hates me that I hurt her and that she's going to kick me out of her life. She's been crying and it's the worst feeling seeing her like that. Why I do I lie I know it's cause I'm afraid. I'm afraid that Im not good enough for her I was honestly amazed that she even gave me chance to be in her life. I've only known her for a little while but damn I've never felt like this before about anyone. And what do I do I f@$k it up. My lie that I told her was  if I was hanging out with this other girl and if I was teacher in anything and I said no because of the fear. I was going out my way to open up the gym and to show her stuff. But I knew she was being flirty with me. And I liked it. But in no way did I have any intentions on doing anything with this girl. I no longer talk to that girl I've decided to cut her from my life cause she's not worth it at all.  Just when I think I had this under control I go and lie. Now the girl I love I'll just call her 1 we have been broken up for like a 2 months but he had been talking taking it easy cause we jumped the gun on our relationship at the wrong time of our life. Plus I was also lying during this time which is the main reason we broke up. But I promised her never do it again and what do you know I did. So we kept it at friends. The thing with us is we have such a good chemistry together that when are enjoying each other time there's never a worry the relationship is so natural is kinda scary to think about. When we talked about our childhoods and how we grew up its so crazy to think that we've pretty much have gone through the same events. 1 is my best friend my love and I'm afraid to lose her. I need to get this under control. I'm a really shy guy who doesn't like to open up about feelings and personal problems in life to people I don't know to get advise and help and who knows maybe I'll have some advise then I will do it. I know before we can be together I have to work out these personal problems. So let's do this I'm here to kick ass and show that I'm capable of living life with honest and self confidence!!!!