1.5 years since Dday
So today was our 1.5 yr Dday anniversary. (It's after midnight)
I don't know if it had anything to do with it, but I was a bit emotionally unstable the first half of the day. Over sensitive, easily hurt feelings, cried half the day. Took a nap and I have been quite fine since then.
Cole and I are doing so well and we are so much in love and happy together. I have made great strides concerning the emotional bond with OM. No more panicky feelings when I am in stores where I know he could be. I work twice a month at a house in his neighborhood and have seen him in his car several times. Sometimes when I am outside going to and from my car. I used to feel so nervous but I am cool as a cucumber now. If he drives by so be it. That is a good feeling.
I am still under church discipline and sometimes that is hard on me. I should be released from it by the 2 year mark. It basically has to do with confession and communion. I have a lot of spiritual disciplines in my daily life. More than I have ever had. The priest gave me many of them but I have given many of them to myself also.
I have gotten past a lot of the emotional instability, despair and turmoil following Dday but there is a certain sadness and sense of loss that I don't expect to go away anytime soon. I will never trust myself again like I did before. I will always have safeguards in place. I will always have my guard up. It seems the farther I get away from my A's the harder it is to believe what I did and deal with that knowledge. Sometimes it just hurts so bad.
I am one of the lucky CS's because my H is so amazing and has been from day one. His love for me is astonishing. I sometimes have trouble comprehending it when I am really down on myself. But I am fiercely committed to him and to the work I do on myself. Committed to rebuilding myself and my marriage on into the future.
Cole is writing a book about this whole experience. The rough draft is probably half done. The plan is for him to publish it which will require going public with it all. Very frightening prospect. I have mixed feelings about this. There is a good and a bad side to doing this. It is something we will be deciding on together as it gets closer to being done.
We are still reading books together but we have switched from affair recovery books to general marriage enrichment books. We have been uniting ourselves in so many areas. Time spent, finances, decisions, talking about the future, basically a focus on each other and us as a couple that has been missing for so many years. We look forward to what is to come. Scars and all.
I don't know if it had anything to do with it, but I was a bit emotionally unstable the first half of the day. Over sensitive, easily hurt feelings, cried half the day. Took a nap and I have been quite fine since then.
Cole and I are doing so well and we are so much in love and happy together. I have made great strides concerning the emotional bond with OM. No more panicky feelings when I am in stores where I know he could be. I work twice a month at a house in his neighborhood and have seen him in his car several times. Sometimes when I am outside going to and from my car. I used to feel so nervous but I am cool as a cucumber now. If he drives by so be it. That is a good feeling.
I am still under church discipline and sometimes that is hard on me. I should be released from it by the 2 year mark. It basically has to do with confession and communion. I have a lot of spiritual disciplines in my daily life. More than I have ever had. The priest gave me many of them but I have given many of them to myself also.
I have gotten past a lot of the emotional instability, despair and turmoil following Dday but there is a certain sadness and sense of loss that I don't expect to go away anytime soon. I will never trust myself again like I did before. I will always have safeguards in place. I will always have my guard up. It seems the farther I get away from my A's the harder it is to believe what I did and deal with that knowledge. Sometimes it just hurts so bad.
I am one of the lucky CS's because my H is so amazing and has been from day one. His love for me is astonishing. I sometimes have trouble comprehending it when I am really down on myself. But I am fiercely committed to him and to the work I do on myself. Committed to rebuilding myself and my marriage on into the future.
Cole is writing a book about this whole experience. The rough draft is probably half done. The plan is for him to publish it which will require going public with it all. Very frightening prospect. I have mixed feelings about this. There is a good and a bad side to doing this. It is something we will be deciding on together as it gets closer to being done.
We are still reading books together but we have switched from affair recovery books to general marriage enrichment books. We have been uniting ourselves in so many areas. Time spent, finances, decisions, talking about the future, basically a focus on each other and us as a couple that has been missing for so many years. We look forward to what is to come. Scars and all.
Replies
Glad to hear a happy update! : )
The person who had the affair was the old you - the current version has a completely different understanding and set of tools to make different choices. Sometimes God uses grace to reach us - he wastes nothing and for whatever reason this is the path you found yourself on.
Best wishes to you!