1/2/2015 2015? Wow. Big time Babbling & Venting Here (Read This First)
Don’t where to start. I guess I’ll start with venting & get it out of the way. I am quite worried on behalf of hubby. He met a woman on line, talked to her for 4 weeks & now she’s moving in with him. Big deal, you say? Not really. Except…
I, along with EVERY SINGLE member of my family, at least one member of his family & all of hubby’s closest friends are telling him the same thing. Be careful, she’s from Africa & many elaborate scams that take months to set up are quite prevalent. She is beginning to control him- she doesn’t drink so hubby stopped drinking. She is an independently wealthy African Muslim woman. Ummm, maybe? She’s living in Atlantic City & is presently in California for her sister’s wedding. I saw wedding pictures she sent by text & they don’t really add up. If this is a wealthy family she comes from, then why is her sisters’ wedding being held in a venue that has 1970’s paneling all over the walls? Why is the picture of the wedding cake a white cake on a white background with no table under it & I can see a faint grey line ¼ of the way down from the top, as if it’s a picture that was scanned & the scanner picked up the edge between the photo & the lid of the scanner? She is NOT in the picture of the wedding party, yet she was in the wedding. There’s so much more, I won’t waste your eyes with details. At least 2 dozen people are seeing big red flags waving, but hubby is blinded. ”Oh, we’ve talked for weeks, we know everything about each other, she this & she that…” I got up some good ole New York chutzpah to call him this morning & let him know I share the same fears as everyone else. He realized I was not presenting it from the perspective of a jealous wife; I simply spoke my peace, because I share the same fears as so many other people. I am (along with damn near everyone else he knows is) afraid she’s going to work him for a few months & scam his money from him. Not a damn thing I can do, except what I did which was share my concern. He will either be OK or be taken for every penny he has. I was carrying guilt for a little while, because I was the one that fell out of love with him & if I didn’t, he wouldn’t be facing the possibility of being a victim of a scam, because we would still be together. I let go of my guilt by speaking my mind, gently. I’m meeting her on the 11th at a party at hubby’s house…
OK, that was venting.
Here’s the Babbling.
Babbling #1: I realized I was carrying anger & couldn’t figure out why. My logical mind knows this is done. I finally figured out that it is my Sprit- my Soul- that needed closure. I asked him if he had time to humor me & have dinner with me- our traditional New Year’s/Wedding Anniversary dinner & let’s say some nice things about each other. Our wedding anniversary is New Year’s Day. He agreed. So, Hubby & I spent part of New Year’s Eve & part of New Year’s Day together. I tried to make it nice- Lobster dinner (our traditional anniv. dinner) & a dozen flowers. We took turns giving each other a flower & saying something positive about each other or thanking each other for a good lesson learned. After dinner, we were going to drive to the reservoir (and smash the dinner plates there) where we spent many days watching the Bald Eagles & having good times & good talks there. Smashing the dinner plates was to be a symbol of our marriage being over, but his girlfriend (who is already controlling him) ended the evening for him & made the plate smashing part of my spiritual need impossible. So he had to come back the next day to do the plate smashing & then we went to Bobby the Landscaper/chef for a New Year’s Day dinner. I actually got a chance to talk to her for 30 seconds, as hubby called her & introduced her by phone to each of us at Bobby’s house. Maybe I’m clouded in my judgement? I didn’t get a warm feeling from her… It could be that she was a little intimidated to talk to so many people on the phone? I dunno…
Babbling #2: Hubby finally did hire a divorce attorney. We go to the attorney on the 6th, but it’s going to be rushed, as he is going to one of the NYC airports to pick her up from California (her sister’s wedding) that same day. I do hope he meets her at a domestic flight gate & not an overseas flight gate… I got up in his face at one point. He was originally going to pick her up today, the 2nd & bring her to the divorce table with us.
WTF?
Like, Really? Seriously? This is between us. You’ve got to be kidding! She’s NOT coming to the divorce table. I’m already not comfortable with me being introduced as “ex wife” when I’m not. Grrrrrrrr…
Babbling #3: I had hubby take some pictures of me for when I do eventually post a profile on some dating websites. The picture taking went well. I couldn’t really ask any of my neighbors, as I’m not that personal with them. But, I still have a faint level of trust with hubby to know he would be OK with it. And it was ok with him. We took a bunch of pictures of me while the lobsters (or as New Englanders say: Lobstaahs) were boiling.
Babbling #4: I’m finally letting go of my pride as someone who keeps their word. I was not going to post a dating profile until we were divorced. After all, I took a vow & I was taught that a vow is something you say for real. Screw it all anyways. He couldn’t keep his word. I’ll post a profile after we file papers.
Babbling #5: Next journal entry!
I, along with EVERY SINGLE member of my family, at least one member of his family & all of hubby’s closest friends are telling him the same thing. Be careful, she’s from Africa & many elaborate scams that take months to set up are quite prevalent. She is beginning to control him- she doesn’t drink so hubby stopped drinking. She is an independently wealthy African Muslim woman. Ummm, maybe? She’s living in Atlantic City & is presently in California for her sister’s wedding. I saw wedding pictures she sent by text & they don’t really add up. If this is a wealthy family she comes from, then why is her sisters’ wedding being held in a venue that has 1970’s paneling all over the walls? Why is the picture of the wedding cake a white cake on a white background with no table under it & I can see a faint grey line ¼ of the way down from the top, as if it’s a picture that was scanned & the scanner picked up the edge between the photo & the lid of the scanner? She is NOT in the picture of the wedding party, yet she was in the wedding. There’s so much more, I won’t waste your eyes with details. At least 2 dozen people are seeing big red flags waving, but hubby is blinded. ”Oh, we’ve talked for weeks, we know everything about each other, she this & she that…” I got up some good ole New York chutzpah to call him this morning & let him know I share the same fears as everyone else. He realized I was not presenting it from the perspective of a jealous wife; I simply spoke my peace, because I share the same fears as so many other people. I am (along with damn near everyone else he knows is) afraid she’s going to work him for a few months & scam his money from him. Not a damn thing I can do, except what I did which was share my concern. He will either be OK or be taken for every penny he has. I was carrying guilt for a little while, because I was the one that fell out of love with him & if I didn’t, he wouldn’t be facing the possibility of being a victim of a scam, because we would still be together. I let go of my guilt by speaking my mind, gently. I’m meeting her on the 11th at a party at hubby’s house…
OK, that was venting.
Here’s the Babbling.
Babbling #1: I realized I was carrying anger & couldn’t figure out why. My logical mind knows this is done. I finally figured out that it is my Sprit- my Soul- that needed closure. I asked him if he had time to humor me & have dinner with me- our traditional New Year’s/Wedding Anniversary dinner & let’s say some nice things about each other. Our wedding anniversary is New Year’s Day. He agreed. So, Hubby & I spent part of New Year’s Eve & part of New Year’s Day together. I tried to make it nice- Lobster dinner (our traditional anniv. dinner) & a dozen flowers. We took turns giving each other a flower & saying something positive about each other or thanking each other for a good lesson learned. After dinner, we were going to drive to the reservoir (and smash the dinner plates there) where we spent many days watching the Bald Eagles & having good times & good talks there. Smashing the dinner plates was to be a symbol of our marriage being over, but his girlfriend (who is already controlling him) ended the evening for him & made the plate smashing part of my spiritual need impossible. So he had to come back the next day to do the plate smashing & then we went to Bobby the Landscaper/chef for a New Year’s Day dinner. I actually got a chance to talk to her for 30 seconds, as hubby called her & introduced her by phone to each of us at Bobby’s house. Maybe I’m clouded in my judgement? I didn’t get a warm feeling from her… It could be that she was a little intimidated to talk to so many people on the phone? I dunno…
Babbling #2: Hubby finally did hire a divorce attorney. We go to the attorney on the 6th, but it’s going to be rushed, as he is going to one of the NYC airports to pick her up from California (her sister’s wedding) that same day. I do hope he meets her at a domestic flight gate & not an overseas flight gate… I got up in his face at one point. He was originally going to pick her up today, the 2nd & bring her to the divorce table with us.
WTF?
Like, Really? Seriously? This is between us. You’ve got to be kidding! She’s NOT coming to the divorce table. I’m already not comfortable with me being introduced as “ex wife” when I’m not. Grrrrrrrr…
Babbling #3: I had hubby take some pictures of me for when I do eventually post a profile on some dating websites. The picture taking went well. I couldn’t really ask any of my neighbors, as I’m not that personal with them. But, I still have a faint level of trust with hubby to know he would be OK with it. And it was ok with him. We took a bunch of pictures of me while the lobsters (or as New Englanders say: Lobstaahs) were boiling.
Babbling #4: I’m finally letting go of my pride as someone who keeps their word. I was not going to post a dating profile until we were divorced. After all, I took a vow & I was taught that a vow is something you say for real. Screw it all anyways. He couldn’t keep his word. I’ll post a profile after we file papers.
Babbling #5: Next journal entry!
Replies
I so approve of you posting a profile. You are smart and will easily be able to tell the sincere guys from the jerks and users. If anything it will be fun visiting online and making new friends.
Glad you and your soon to be ex get along as friends. Much easier all around. And you are right as of now you are not his \"ex\" and he shouldn\'t be introducing you as such.
The issue with hubby\'s new flame................I was always very blunt with my kids friends and significant others. My worst point blank comments were to my youngest sons first girlfriend who got caught stealing in a store and because she then got into my sons car he too was arrested. You can only imagine my interrogation of the girl afterwards. Then the girlfriend of my oldest step son, who brought this dweeb to my home for a picnic. I flat out told her I didn\'t trust her and didn\'t think she was good enough for my step son. I told her that her drinking and drugs (I knew her from my caseload at county) would do the both of them in. No body listened to me of course until step son nearly killed himself driving mad and drunk after she had slept with his brother. Yea, Momma was right again. So for all your sakes don\'t hold back on this chick. Unfortunately sometimes we then have to say \"I told you so\". If she is a scammer and you tell her you know what she\'s up to maybe she\'ll just go look for another target. I would rather have hubby pissed at me for sticking my nose in than have him loose all he has. He can go get a shrink if what you say is an issue.
Rock on. Happy packing. I hope the new move is amazing for you. Love ya