1-15-12

WOW!...what a day...what a ...idk...what a pain...I really can't believe that my life with keeps getting worse...you keep getting worse...I really didn't think it would happen...but apparently it can!...now...NOW...you addict characteristics are coming out when your sober...and no it's not just you being you...the You#1 that I  met and fell in love with back in 2001...that's the real you...You#2 came out in 2004 during the superbowl (of course) when you 'relapsed' and didn't call for two f'ing days because you were 'recuperating from a hangover!'...remember that? ... I do! ... I remember every lousy thing you've done to ME over the years as a result of YOUR addiction ...the lies!...the stealing!...the cheating!...the lies...and the biggest lie of all is telling me that you LOVE me...You don't love me...You don't love our kids...You don't love your family...You didn't love you parents...You LOVE your CRACK...you LOVE your drug...You don't even love yourself...cause if you did, you wouldn't do this to yourself or to us...DUDE! what is it going to take for you to realize that you have problem? ... drugs kill ... they kill you ... they kill the innocent people that love YOU (like me-think about it, I have to keep all that you've done to me inside of ME!...and it's killing our relationship ... I don't know what to do anymore ... I will not go back on my word ... but I can't do this anymore ... and I won't do it anymore ... I am done ... I am finished ... and until you show me that you are doing something to resolve this big problem that YOU, not I, have ... I QUIT! ... you win ... I will not allow you to destroy me! ... I love you ... but I love myself MORE! ...
 
well that's it for now ... I'm going back to bed ... but I'll be back later to give you another piece of my mind...for now I'm going to do what I should've been doing for a long time now...take care of me, myself, and I.