1-1-11

40th Bday last week!  Went to my women's AA meeting, and since it was the last meeting of the month where we celebrate sobriety bdays and there were none, that was my bday party and I got to blow out candles!  I didn't realize that'd be it but I didn't plan ahead, and it was ok.
Had a nice lunch with mom at a cute place.  It was nice. Saw a rainbow.
Stopped by BFs for my gift opening, and headed to some hot springs.  Saw another big rainbow.  Dinner at a Chinese place w/ parents, and watched tv with mom to end the night.  It was nice.
The next day I tore myself away from my needy BF who I am spending a lot of time away from anyway to go overnight to another hot springs place, and got a hot stone massage and held firm to not inviting him.
Grateful I have my Al Anon friend to work steps with and talk things over with.  Tired of rehashing things with BF.  He knows we're on the verge of tipping over into non couple-hood.  I'm trying to be loving and true to myself and yeah I just don't think he's really self aware enough of his own self to grant me the respect and honesty to have my own separate thoughts, feelings, life.  He doesn't know of his how could he honor mine?  Self awareness, yes it is a gift, and you can't give it to someone else.  I'm just tired of rehashing.  Grateful I took myself out and I'm living my life.