091611

it has been a good minute since i have been on here.  i have to keep my practice on here consistant.  i am still recovering.  today i thought to myself: you will drive yourself insane trying to be perfect.  i mean no one human is perfect on this planet.  i feel like the abuse that had happen to me made me feel like a failure (insignificant) that i bust my butt trying to prove myself (be notice) to others that when i think i am coming up short i get stressed and then angry.  i don't think straight when i am stressed.  after the anger i feel guilty.  after feeling guilty i feel like i have i am vulnerable to depression.
i feel good today. i taught a great yoga/meditation morning class.  i practice and that is part of what makes my class good.  i care and it shows from my presence (actions).  i am thankful.
somedays i don't feel like doing it - practice.  i am human.  i know though, i have to be a super human if i want to feel better about myself.  i don't want to fall into that illness of depression.  i have to work harder than some.  writing, yoga, and my spirituality is very important to me.
i read and article about elizabeth taylor that i felt like i could relate to:  architectural digest: 0711.  despite compulsive addictions, and addictive compulsions , (e.t.) was not a tragic victim...  my thinking about e.t., she was tough and a survivor.