03/09/10
I have the hardest time relaxing and letting people in it seems like I push everybody away, I am so afraid of being hurt that I don't let anybody in I only feel close to my kids and they are my world. I wont to be able to trust myself and other people and have a happier life. If anybody has any ideas please tell me
Replies
Oh....I\'m so sorry you\'re hurting. You have been through SOOOOOO much, that I just think there needs to be more time between today and when you can start slowly letting people in again....The walls do come down, as long as you know that they are walls that are keeping you safe for now, but not meant to be there forever. I\'m taking my wall down, brick by brick, and it takes time.
Thank God you can enjoy and feel the love of your kids. It tells you that you are worthy of love, and that there is love to give in return.
Many hugs to you..
Thanks
When a persons been through what you have its understandable that you dont let pple in, self preservation is what it is. Its easy to be close to your children, their love and friendship is unconditional, grown ups tend to come with emotional demands!
Just give yourself time, you\'ll get there in the end. We are all just chugging along trying to make sense of it all!
I have found myself feeling the same at times. That just means I\'m not ready. And that\'s ok. There is nothing wrong with centering your life around your kids. Your kids need you as much as you need them right now. What I tell myself is this: no man will ever want me the way my kids need me.
Be patient with you. We are still a work in progress..
I have a hard time trusting as well and am working through it with a counsellor. I have even got to the stage where I didnt trust her as felt she was making fun of me but I told her this today. Its best to start small and trust people with minor things. I know its difficult, have u had some therapy
It\'s hard trusting after so much hurt.. ((((MM73))) I have no idea how you do, actually. I have that same issue.
Anything I could put together to tell you I would also have to tell myself. Once upon a time I was too eager to believe in and see the best in people. The past few years have been a different story. I find there is only so much of myself I can give and only so much trust I can invest.
I think/hope this is normal. I personally find it weird when people go through what we all have gone through and immediately jump into love and trust. Some people NEED love and NEED to have someone around out of fear of being alone. My alone time has been the best for me. Regrouping and getting to know and love myself has been needed.
I understand the want or urge to have someone around. God knows I do. But I\'ve found that I would rather be alone than trust people. Right now the only trust in other I have is trusting that they will let me down at some point and time. For now I keep a safe distance, trust my instincts and take my time.
In your situation, it is hard to trust, and you may never be able to do it again. then again, hey it can happen. you need to trust your instincts when it comes to this. with time you will eventually relax more with people but thats only after you have healed completely. it takes time. be patient.
Boy, I know what you mean, but maybe you\'ve been fishing in the wrong ponds-? Don\'t know what your social life is like, but bars and clubs are OUT if you want to attract a person whom you feel worthy of your trust and be trustworthy with. Go quiet places and you\'ll attract quiet, soothing people to talk with and build up a rapport.
mysteryman:
I believe the ultimate trust is self-trust. For me, it\'s about checking in with my gut. I ask questions about the trustworthiness of others based on their behaviors. And I pay attention to what my gut tells me.
Mayou Angelou said, \"People tell you who they are. Believe them.\" So when someone is disrespectful of me, my time, my thoughts, etc., I pay attention. I know they are not a person I\'d offer my trust to. People will disagree with things I say and that\'s fine, as long as they do not include character assassinations with their comments; there are ways to disagree respectfully.
I go slow and stay aware because I know trust is not built in a day. But, mostly, I trust myself, now, to know when a person can be trusted or not. I pay attention to how they treat me, how they treat others, and how they treat themselves.
Trust is not a thing to be rushed, mysteryman, it grows over time.
xx
SuzA
I know it is hard to trust people i have gone through it, but most of all it is hardest to trust yourself to make the right chooses with people, but i have learned to trust my gut it is always right, i have had to trust my husband again it has taken me 3yrs to trust him again, i still have times when i question things, but i trust my gut not, just one minute and then one hr,then one week .,then it will come back, but most of all trust yourself
you know .. you want total control in your life.. its simple.. \"allow\" allow what is to be.. accept all that is.. and its a lot easier.. instead of trying to make life a certian way according to the story in your head. ALLOW...and y ou will have control of everything.
Hang in there babe! The wall\'s will come down when they are ready! Hugs!!!!
I admire your courage and will pray for you over and over. Please
believe the courage you have shown just by opening up to us.
Bless you my friens..xxxx