My husband, age 44, died on 2/24. I'm 37 and we have three children, ages 14, 12, and 4. This April we would have been married 20 years. While his health had been going downhill slowly over the last couple of years, his death was a complete shock to everyone. He went into the hospital with a simple cellulitis infection, developed sepsis, his body went into shock trying to fight the infection. This caused him to go into multi-organ failure. He went in hospital on a Wednesday and he was gone on the following Wednesday. He would've never dreamed in a million year that he wouldn't be coming home. Losing someone you love is hard enough, but the sheer unexpectedness is gut-wrenching.
We met while I was in high school, married once I graduated, and I have had the privilege to spend the last twenty years with my soul mate. I just have this huge hole in my heart right now. There are some days where I only cry while I'm in the car on the way to/from work. Then, there are some days I wish I could just drown in a puddle of tears and die. But, then I think of my children and I pull myself together. I've began keeping a journal by writing to him daily. This helps some.
I just have this huge ache in my heart and it just seems so surreal that I will have to live my entire life without him making me laugh, giving me a hug, or telling me he loves me. It hurts even worse that I won't be able to tell him how much I love him and how much he meant to me.
I'm just hoping that someone may give me some insight as to how to survive the days.