I know what you mean, but unfortunately I don't really know how to handle it either. It's been 19 months. A few months ago I got back in touch with an old friend from high school. We had always just been friends and things were just like before, when we could just hang out and have fun just as friends. but the more we hang out, the more I found myself attracted to him. I mean he is physically attractive, but I don know if the rest is because I'm comfortable with him because I've known him so long, or because his "grown up" life style is similar to wha I lost. A few months ago we had some drinks and I made a move. Then I explained that I don't know if I'm ready for an emotional comittment, but I enjoy spending time with him. I got lucky and he totally understood and nothing changed or got weird! But sometimes I wonder, will I ever be able to connect with him, or anyone emotionally? I dont want him to wait around, but i dont want to hurt him, but i dont want things to change. But I dont know long I will feel dead inside.
I'm sorry I'm not much help. I just want you to know I understand.

I understand where you are because I am in the same place and I have experienced someone I was dating not being 100% truthful. After that experience I just stopped dating, partly because I felt I was dating too soon and partly because I felt I went about that relationship in the wrong way. I was looking to fill the void I was feeling and he was not the right person for me, I knew that the entire time we dated, but I was so in need of that relationship I ignored all the things my head and heart were saying about him. So now I am just looking for friends, with no expectation of anything more. If I find myself in a friendship with someone where we start feeling more then great, if not at least I have a good friend.

Don't get me wrong I am going crazy missing the close relationship I had with my husband but I want someone I can trust and that will be a partner I can depend on. I pray that there is going to be someone in my life again and I am just going to wait and assume if there is someone else for me the Lord will put him in my life.

I know this prob wasn't much help if any, but if you ever need to talk feel free to get in touch with me.

Many Blessings,
Sherry

hello ,
I too miss the closeness I had with my husband, even if our marriage was deteriorating , we were separated a couple times in the last 2 years, after he passed I realized he was clinically depressed, but here I am now , almost a year has passed and I long for companionship , but I too am afraid of the unknown, I feel so alone and lonely, but am cautious of a new relationship. I think I am just gonna keep doing what im doing , working, gonna sell my house next year , and also I wanna go back to school, gonna let the chips fall where they may, if you will and not look for any one.

I am new to this website as of tonight but am glad I found you. My husband drowned 17 months ago... I honestly am so lonely but could never imagine dating or meeting anyone new. I drown myself in work and family. I'm not looking but even if it did happen that I met someone I doubt that I could move in that direction. I was married twice and that's how many men I have been with.... 2... I am true blue... its a scary world out there with lies, disease and deceit... I don't think I'm ready for that world. People have talked about computer or online dating but even that is scary... I know I'm not much help...I think I will just keep doing what I'm doing and as you say - let the chips fall where they may.

To all you young widows please be careful when dating. I have heard many stories of predators looking for widows to pray on due to their vulnerability and death benefit money. I was duped about a year after my fiancée passed. I was so incredibly lonely and confused and this guy found me and said all the right things and helped me with my 2 small children and slowly brainwashed me into giving him my survivor benefits. he manipulated me in my lowest and most vulnerable time. I found out later this happens ALLOT! please be careful. I had to take this a-hole to court to get that money back for my kids and I. I feel like such an idiot for letting this happen, but only those who have lost someone can truly understand the depths of loneliness and hopelessness one can feel.
I am now dating a wonderful man who has stepped up and put my kids and I above all else. Only problem is we run into some jealousy issues with my dead fiancée. It seems crazy to be jealous of someone who can never come back but I have dealt with this twice now. I have stood firm on keeping pictures of him in the children's room but it is not easy for him to deal with. He has even asked about changing their last names to his if we ever get married! Help! I am not sure how to go about this..

You guys are awesome. I've been on quite a journey over the last year. I'm finally figuring out that I need to get comfortable with being just me again. After losing my husband, I didn't know who I was or what to do. Here I am, almost 2 years since he died, and I'm JUST starting to get comfortable in my own skin. I still don't know what that means, or what the future will hold, but I'm picking up some interests that I put on hold when my husband got sick. I'm going to try and follow the dreams I had shared with him. I'm making new friends, and trying things that I never would have thought to do before. It's so hard to come to terms with the idea that my world is completely different now than I expected it to be. I'm not going to grow old with my husband. I will continue to live though. I owe him that much. I promised him I wouldn't give up. I also promised him I'd try to find love again. I'm not doing so well with that one still. I've been seeing someone that I do adore, but I don't think he's good for me in the long run. I also don't know that I can give him the true love he's seeking. He has young kids, and I have none. I'm no sure where I want to live, or what I want to do with my life at this point. I'm not sure it's fair for me to be involved with him or his kids if I'm not fully invested. It's strange. It's like there's a part of me that can never be as vulnerable or connected to someone as I was to my husband. I guess that may change someday, but for now it feels almost like scar tissue that is going to keep me from making that leap. This is such a peculiar place to be.

I will share one tip for anyone that's interested. I just read a book called, "The Afterlife Of Billy Fingers". It has given me such peace in my heart. It's not entirely consistent with my religious background, but that's okay. I'm comfortable with it anyway. I highly recommend it to all of you.