Hi all, I'm new to the group. I lost my husband 4 years ago on April 13th. I was 24 when he died and his viewing was held on my 25th birthday, which would have also been our 3rd wedding anniversary. I actually became a member of dailystrength back then but forgot my account info and I'm starting new. I guess I realized that I still need to touch base now and then with others who know what I'm going through. Because I was so young when Lou died, I pushed myself back into the dating field after only 5 months, in hopes to be able to eventually achieve my lifelong dream of motherhood. I've had 2 relationships since then, the 2nd one resulting in marriage. People have a hard time believing that I still grieve because I've moved on. Just because life goes on for us, doesn't mean my late husband is/was any less important to me. As it turns out I had a medical issue preventing pregnancy. It has been addressed and my husband Alex and I are trying to have a family now. I'm very lucky in the fact that Alex is so understanding of my feelings, especially being so young. Nobody ever expects to lose a spouse in their 20s. Although I'm happy now with my marriage, I still grieve. I still cry for Lou. I sometimes think I suffer from PTSD. I cannot escape the flashbacks of seeing Lou in that hospital bed and feeling all the emotions from that time. After he died I actually started working in a hospital but after nearly 2 years, I couldn't take it anymore. Anytime I had to step foot near the ICU I'd cringe and have anxiety. It was a different hospital but you don't ever forget the sounds and atmosphere. I've suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a child so this just worsened it. Since I was a child I've had an unexplained phobia of death, losing my husband was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and still go through. I'm just looking for friends who can relate in some way.