Young Widows Community Group
This is a group for people who lost there partners at a young age. Come here for support and to offer encouragement to other people who have lost their partners.
Hello,
I am new to the group. My name is Ruth and I lost my Husband Ryan on 3/11. Ryan was only 37. We have six wonderful children. The eldest child is 18 and getting ready to go off to college in the summer and our youngest is only 7. Ryan was diagnosed in February with liver can and less than six weeks later he was gone. Everything happened so quickly, and out of the blue, that the kids and I barely had time to come to term with the diagnosis let alone his sudden passing. We really thought we would have more time. It is very hard to get through the day. There are so many important events coming up , our son's high school graduation and his recent acceptance to college, we have a 16 year old getting his drivers license, the girls have prom and our youngest just got his new prosthetic arm (Ryan called it Aidan's Luke Skywalker arm). These are all events Ryan should have been at. We miss him so much each day and I am now dreading these special events. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make these events more bearable for the kids please let me know.
I am new to the group. My name is Ruth and I lost my Husband Ryan on 3/11. Ryan was only 37. We have six wonderful children. The eldest child is 18 and getting ready to go off to college in the summer and our youngest is only 7. Ryan was diagnosed in February with liver can and less than six weeks later he was gone. Everything happened so quickly, and out of the blue, that the kids and I barely had time to come to term with the diagnosis let alone his sudden passing. We really thought we would have more time. It is very hard to get through the day. There are so many important events coming up , our son's high school graduation and his recent acceptance to college, we have a 16 year old getting his drivers license, the girls have prom and our youngest just got his new prosthetic arm (Ryan called it Aidan's Luke Skywalker arm). These are all events Ryan should have been at. We miss him so much each day and I am now dreading these special events. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make these events more bearable for the kids please let me know.
My best suggestion is seek help from any family and friends that you have who can be there to support you and your kids. For the kids, just knowing that there are other grown ups around who love them and are there to help them and their mom, it will add security to their very upset world.
Next, the grief counseling I went to has helped me a lot. It was an eight week class at the Samaritan Hospice near me, and it was a small group (only two other widows, and one counselor). It helps you to see that your feelings are normal and it helps by giving you concrete coping skills you can use at home.
At my home we've made things more bearable, as you say, by really being honest with each other about how we feel, and also by being more kind and supportive of each other. So we talk about my husband all the time - we remember things, we remember quotes, we talk about what he would have wanted, and so on, because I believe that is how our loved ones live on. I also believe that each child is going to handle this differently. Some may need extra help or counseling, others may be able to adapt. But I'm careful about not letting them become "the grown up" and take care of me. I think that can be a dangerous dynamic where kids can lose their youth if they switch roles too early with a parent.
Take care of yourself and I hope you find the resources you need in the people around you and in yourself.