Hi :)

I suffer from a lot of other things besides this, but honestly I think this is what bothers me most some days. I was diagnosed just after i turned 17. Being the only one without a period still, we knew something was wrong. It took an OBGYN, a fertility specialist, and an MRKH specialist to finally figure it out. It was almost earth shattering news to me if it wasn't for my parents and a supportive boyfriend at the time. Ever since I was little all I have ever wanted to be is a mom. So at 17 being told I would never have kids myself killed me inside. I swear I don't think I ever really stopped crying for months. I still start randomly crying some days at the thought.

I can't have sex, it hurts too much. Ever since I found out I have had 3 boyfriends, all of who have been understanding and we found other ways. But I am scared for the day I am really in love and a guy just walks away. When is the right time to tell them though? I have kind of figured it out with each case, but its really awkward to talk to guys about this. I feel so small and i feel awful. I usually cry and they say its not my fault, but it sure feels like it is.

I stopped going to the doctors for this because I am scared. I do and don't want to deal with all of this. I know i need to, but I am scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I need help with this stuff, and my mom just can't help other than try to find help. And I can't keep looking at her when she's hurt because she knows she can't help like a mother should. She looks so upset when she can't make this better and it kills me.

Sorry for the rant and scatter brain. Its the first time I've really talked about this and hoped someone could help.