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llk 05/18/2011

Hi all...I haven't been on here for a LONG time...I belong to a couple other support groups here, and have always gotten some good advice. This is a pretty touchy subject..so I hope I don't offend anyone...but would like some advice (hopefully) from others who have been or are going thru the same thing.
I have been married to my second husband for 10 yrs (1st marriage i was physically & mentally abused,,,GOT OUT OF THAT ONE!) I believe I married my current husband for all the wrong reasons...and wasn't truely IN LOVE with him. It always seemed 'something' was missing. Which has led me to the rest of this story......
Almost 8 yrs ago I played on-line "yahoo euchre" ... I played quite frequently with the same partner... we got to be really good friends.. then started just chatting online..we both felt ,,just very comfortable with one another..we could talk about anything.. I always had a pic on my profile..but he did not.. we confided to each other..that we both started to have feelings for one another...(keep in mind..I still had not seen what he looked like)... but it didnt matter..at this point I definitely knew I felt more than just friendship..I already had a webcam to talk to my daughter and family who live quite a distance from me...and talked him into getting one so I could see what he looked like...and I have to admit...he was not what I had pictured (not someone I would have been attracted to on just looks alone..) ..but his personality won me over...GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR!.. His job allowed him to spend hours at a time with me ..video/voice chatting. After a year..we both felt the same way about one another.. He too is in a lovelss marriage. OK...I KNOW WHAT SOME OF YOU ARE THINKING... but it's true.. you CAN get to know someone intimately on here. It has been 8 years now..and we have yet to meet. He lives in Canada..about 800miles from me...so trying to find time to meet has been impossible! He has since had to change jobs..we have not been able to video/voice chat for months..which is killing me. I miss him terribly. We keep in touch mostly at night now...just chatting on yahoo.. no voice or cam...we also leave each other several messages daily. We TRUELY do love each other...
I guess my question is... Is anyone else going thru a cyber affair....? ..and if you have not yet meet in person...how do you deal with it?
I know I am going to get alot of negative replies...and that's ok..everyone is entitled to their own opinions..
But if you are going thru anything similar to this..please let me know how you cope. ..and how you plan on meeting that person.
Thanks for taking the time to read this..
Sincerely,
LLK

UCKelsey 05/18/2011

I am not going through this but I have a little advice. I don't want to come off as judging or rude in any way. I do believe more and more people can fall for people over the internet. I have had friends who have married someone from a dating site, and stuff, and are still together today. If you found a great person that you are in love with I say great for you. My only thought is why not get out of your marriage if you have been talking to him for so long, and just be alone waiting for the day you can meet him. I don't really believe in cheating on your spouse, but I don't want you to feel like I am meaning this in a cruel way. If you really love him and he loves you why can't you both leave your spouses, and make time to meet up, even though he lives so far away. Or just web cam or skype to help build a relationship on a new level?

deleted_user 05/29/2011

My advice is to first if try to work out your marriage and bring love back into it. You had it once so it may be possible to bring it back, though it will be a lot of work. If that is not an option, Id lose the husband. No point in being in a relationship in which neither of you have feelings enough to try anymore. Guy on the side or not. Also I'd suggest meeting with the guy and seeing him in person a couple of times before starting anything serious with him. Long distance relationships are great cause you get to know the person before the face but if there's nothing there physically it will make things really very hard because whether you mean it or not you will always be looking for someone that meets your standards physically and emotionally. Another benefit of meeting several times in person is you can get to know him in person and not what he makes him self out to be online. Not saying he is faking it but its always different in person then online. I hope I helped out some and i hope things work out with you.

deleted_user 08/25/2011

I don't think we can really know a person if we haven't met them face to face - 95% of our communication is by facial expression and body language. You are missing out on these clues which we instinctively react to, and are receiving only what he wants you to receive.

deleted_user 01/02/2012

I'm a bit torn on this subject. On one hand I feel that your close, personal interaction w/this man is something that you are depriving your husband. On the other hand, I feel like it's impossible for ONE person to fulfill another person. There is no one out there who is everything you want/need in a man, as we are constantly evolving. You are not the same person you were five years ago, neither is your husband. I agree w/Babylove1 when she says "try to work out your marriage and bring love back into it". See a counselor w/your husband to work on establishing communication/closeness. If you are both in different places and unwilling to stay w/each other, then at least, the marriage can dissolve in an agreeable fashion.

Jayzandra 01/14/2012

I have had cyber affairs before, but not while in a relatioship with someone else. But they just naturally faded on there own. So I don't really have any advide on that, however, I will say this, maybe you do have the perfect husband there ever was, but something is obviously missing for you be seeking fullfillment elsewhere, but you just don't realize it? Maybe you the risk is what gives you the thrill. Prehaps you can get your husband to sext you at "inappropiate" times, like say, while your in the grocery store. This could possibly give you the same kind of thrill.

I also must say that this guilt of cheating will most likely eat at you forever, that is if you truly do love your husband.

I wish you the best of luck.

SandyDo 01/20/2012

I agree that you can't really and truly know if you love someone until you have spent time together. I mean, you don't know how he is toward others...like when he goes to a restaurant, is he polite to the wait staff, that kind of thing. I have met men online and felt very close to them, and then when I met them in person, there was no spark, no chemistry.

That said, you really should either try to fix the relationship you're currently in, or get out of it. It's not fair to your partner, and in the long run isn't fair to you; if you have a conscience, this will eat at you. I read somewhere that a general rule of thumb is that you should wait one month for every year you are in a committed relationship before dating someone new. The reason being, that you need to resolve the issues that caused the previous relationship to fail. I've been guilty of this many times, and it's always been a mistake.

I hope this doesn't come off as judgmental b/c that's definitely not how I mean it. All my best to you!

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