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How can i bulid the relationship between me and my

Annery
Annery
At the age of 28 i feel very distant with my mom. My mother is a great woman. She has been there for me all my life. I am lucky to have grown up with both my parents. I dont feel the connection with my mom though. Most of the times i have this hate feel that runs through me. My mom made sure i had everything, paid for my school, provide for everything. we were never close . I cannot open up to her and tell her anything. In short we do not have a mother to daughter relationship. Perhaps because my mom is a perfectionist and i also feel that she is not understanding. I do not feel comfortable telling her anything because she will judge you in some way. She sees the worst in people. When were young she was never pleased with anything we did.

she told one of my cousins that i dont like her. Which is true, i would like to talk to someone who is understanding. Well i dont hate my mom but i hate her character. How do i build our relationship? I am not married as i went back to university after working for sometimes i had to go and study for a second degree. I still depend on her and live in the same house with her. We hardly ever talk about anything then just things in general.
I will appreciate your input .
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi..... I am new to the group but I think it would be a great idea to write her a letter telling her all your feelings. maybe just maybe she will open up to you, Tell her of your dreams to become closer and that you need to know how this can happen. Just maybe she will open up to you, if she said that to your cousin then she realizes there is a problem. Ask her how you two can work together. Try looking at her as your friend, not your MOm to fix this. I hopr this helps. Do not be afraid.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would suggest reading "The 5 love languages" by Gary Chapman. It's written for the relationship with your spouse, but I think it has a lot of good information in there that can help you deal with just about any relationship. Basically, the idea of the book is that people feel loved if different ways, and once you understand how you precieve love and how your mom does, you may find it easier to understand her and for her to understand you, bringing your relationship closer. Just a thought.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am new to this group also and for years my older daughter and I never saw eye to eye on anything. I think she also may have thought I was too critical when I didn't feel I was. I think it was all in how she felt at the time she asked me for an opnion and didn't like my answer. So we always butted heads. If you can't talk to her, you might try writing her a note if that would be easier since you do live with her. I did that with mine and it seemed to clear the air for her to think about what I said instead of getting so angry and walking off.

Since time has passed we are becoming compatible to talk and share opinions somewhat. I just watch how much I say because I know that look she gives me. Little by little maybe you can work on it and let her know you want to try and accept her as she has to accept you. It isn't easy but just like any relationship, if you don't try nothing will get done and both go the opposite way. Life is to short and you never know what tomorrow brings. I hope you both can try to be friends again which is a beginning. I had a wonderful moms day this year with her and my GD and it was wonderful to be friends again. TRY!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I felt the same about my mom at your age, and at 54 i still have my moments. yet i remember that there is no one on earth who has loved me more completely and sacrificially than my "MEAN OLE MOM" LOL. For that fact alone I respect her and try to see her side. very hard sometimes. when I can't I retreat. yet I return to fight and love again on another day. i am not sure we like each other. we are so much alike. however, i am sure of our love and devotion for each other. that's all we have, so that has to be enough. your mother loves you!! this evident by the support you stated she has supplied for you. being grateful is difficult. we want to do things for our selves. Just say thank you every chance you get mean it. love her, and dislike what you dislike, always remembering she is your ONE AND ONLY MOM. that helps me. then i retreat
deleted_user
deleted_user
I felt the same about my mom at your age, and at 54 i still have my moments. yet i remember that there is no one on earth who has loved me more completely and sacrificially than my "MEAN OLE MOM" LOL. For that fact alone I respect her and try to see her side. very hard sometimes. when I can't I retreat. yet I return to fight and love again on another day. i am not sure we like each other. we are so much alike. however, i am sure of our love and devotion for each other. that's all we have, so that has to be enough. your mother loves you!! this evident by the support you stated she has supplied for you. being grateful is difficult. we want to do things for our selves. Just say thank you every chance you get mean it. love her, and dislike what you dislike, always remembering she is your ONE AND ONLY MOM. that helps me. then i retreat
Annery
Annery
Thank you all. I really do want to rebuild the relationship with my mom. I think it is best i talk to her like most of you advised me too. Perhaps she is not even aware of her actions. Yes my mom is great woman and she has done alot for me.