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Please, forgive me but I must vent or

Elsiesue
Elsiesue
Go completely out of my mind. How does one deal with a child who tells her physiatrist that she deliberately "bates her Grandmother to make her angry." ? What in the name of all that is Holy did I do to deserve this. Give her a roof over her head, 3 meals a day, give her clean clothes to wear, de-matt her hair so that she looked like a human being instead of some kind of alien freak with it standing out in all directions, get her a haircut of her choice not mine, teach her to take care of herself by washing her hair and her body so forth and so on. Why does she do and say these mean and hurtful things. I just do not understand. I have been in tears most of this day. I love my house but it feels more like war zone. I hate being here. I swear I will not turn my back on this child like her parents did. But how do I keep my own sanity when she is doing everything in her power to make me give up just so she can say "see, no one loves me they all hate me... they all turn me away." Why can't she see she brings all this down on herself with her hateful words and attitude. For reason I do not understand and cannot explain I love this child and want the best for her but at this exact moment I wish the best for her somewhere else...No, that is not going to happen and no, I will not go somewhere leave Dennis to deal with this alone. Although he deals much better than I. But I must be honest. I want to climb in my little
blue pick-up truck and go as far as my one tank of gas will take me and find a room and just be quiet. No one talking, on video game blaring, no TV programs blasting Dennis now has Hulu), no phones ringing. No nothing...Where my mind can shut down and I can sleep until there is no sleep left in me. Try to understand why she feels this way about me..Why she feels the need to hurt me so. I want to understand, I truly do.

I'm sorry but I need help. I feel so incompetent, Like I .......... I don't even know how to finish that sentence....The words just are not available to me right now.
Thank You for letting me ramble like this.....I am currently looking for some kind of counselor to help me through this.
Phoebesfriend
Phoebesfriend
I'm so sorry Elsie ! I wish I knew what you could do to change this child. I'll keep you both in my prayers. Stay strong.
Elsiesue
Elsiesue
Thank You, Sweetheart. We are always grateful for prayers
deleted_user
deleted_user
So sorry I have no advice, but I will keep you all in my prayers
ClayC
ClayC
Elsie sweetheart.. you incompetent ?.. Never, Honey.. look at all you have accomplished you have brought up your children, run your house, made a loving home, taken care of Dennis and anyone else who has needed it, including your grandchildren.. Incompetent No, .. exhausted and in need of some TLC and peace and quiet Honey...but . please dont let her hurt you this way..You are winning, that's why she does it and because she sees a strong, smart woman in her life who cares..teenagers are good at goading, and also self destruct,.. she knows you wont let that happen..You are in my prayers sweetheart. I hope you can find a good counsellor who will help you sweetheart. so sorry this is happening ..... love you lots XXXXX
LoriFla
LoriFla
Big hugs to you Elsiesue, my daughter has done the same to me, it started when she was a teenager and has continued into adulthood. I always tried finding the answers, many years later I still don't have them and probabaly never will. I tried counseling, a wilderness girls camp for 18 months, doctors, etc. For me I had to let go and begin to take care of myself because it was literally killing me. We can't change them but we can change how we react to them. I hope you're able to find some peace, and I will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs....Lori
Group Founderbgoodwin44
bgoodwin44
Elsie,

I Will Certainly Be Keeping You Both In My Prayers.

" God Bless "
Elsiesue
Elsiesue
My, Sweet, Sweet, Ladies, Thank you each and everyone for your words of encouragement and advise. I treasure your prayers, love and Kindness......As I have said before....YOU ARE THE BESTEST of the BESTEST!!
ALC67
ALC67
The venerable Sun Tzu in his 'Art of War' had this advice 'Figure out what your opponant expects you to do then do the opposite' Doing that will screw up their thinking and put them psychologically off-balance.
Could be she's trying to ;'get back' at her parents through you, THEIR parent, or she could be trying to create a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy driving you away, as you said so she can say 'See nobody loves me'.
It could also be an attention getting device. The idea that negative attention is better than no attention at all. I have a cat that does that. If she doesn't get as much attention as she wants she starts beating up on my oldest cat knowing I'll jump all over her for that. Humans do it too.
But what I'm really thinking is that she's been told she's worthless and not capable of being loved for so long she simply can't stand being treated well. Kind of like battered women who keep taking up with one abusive man after another until one of them kills her. This is something that can be really difficult to deal with but with enough work it CAN be overcome eventually.
Have you talked with her psychiatrist? Have they offered you any advice? Is there any joint or family counselling available? That might be the best route to take if you can do it. Having both of you sit down with a 3rd party can help unravel things and confront issues in a controlled environment.
Good luck..
oceangypsy
oceangypsy
Elsie, I'm so sorry you are faced with yet another challenge. I do hope you find someone close by that will help you through this ordeal. You and your family will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings and Big Hugs, Bonnie
Sunvalleygal
Sunvalleygal
I sent a message to your inbox. Much love.
Rachel59
Rachel59
Gentle hugs and healing prayers for you all, Elsie.

Honey, please remember it's NOT you..This is a very difficult situation you are in and you are the one left picking up the pieces of the past. I give you huge kudos for what you are doing. Remember, tho..that you have to take care of YOU too..

We're here for you..never forget that...
Love and hugs, Rach
deleted_user
deleted_user
all the advice i have is, if she's a teenager that's part of her problem. sorry, i don't know anything else. but i do remember being spiteful and mean to some family because i felt they were being mean to me and deserved it. i don't have any idea why i felt this way because my family is very good to me. i'm ashamed to even admit it. all i can assume was that it was a teenage thing i was going through.

i pray things get better for you all. :)
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