Hi mypenny2. After 15 months I almost feel at my worst. My faith has really been put to a test. I just have not been able to make sense out of any of what happened. He did not deserve to suffer as he did and then not make it. I live alone, and it seems that I have been forsaken by friends and family, even church family. I want to run away, but it is a hard decision to make. I am from the Midwest but am now stuck in the NW, which I hate. I see the environment here as wild and untamed. I thought I had a breakthrough a few evenings ago when I went to the church, used my fob to get in, and prayed. I felt that I had made a connection, but it was fleeting. I believe I am doing my best. I am planning a vacation in July, but that is also when my lease is up here. In other words, I can't afford both a visit AND a move. To have an estate sale is major for me. I am not sure what God would have me to do. How do I trust again when he took two good husbands from me? I still have flashbacks. Sorry, I am supposed to lifting you up.

((Hugs))

Thanks ladies...shewearsblack....Estate Sale would help you finacially..I sold most of my husband's hunting stuff...It's a lot of work...I had a estate sale when my mom and grandma died..In retrospect I wish I would have a professional do it...I went to a Estate sale once and the lady said they charge 25%...They do all the work and aren't attached...to the stuff...Being on this site you can poor your heart out without any judgement...Hugs

God is a “God of Love” 1 John 4:8; however, ‘the devil has the power of death’. Continue to cultivate your love and faith in God and remember: “For all things I have the strength through the one who gives me power.” Philippians 4:13

God is a “God of Love” 1 John 4:8; however, ‘the devil has the power of death’ Hebrews 2:14. Continue to cultivate your love and faith in God and remember: “For all things I have the strength through the one who gives me power.” Philippians 4:13

Hi my penny,
I love your post.
When my husband passed I knew my faith in God would keep me......however, I wasn't prepared for the extreme, intense emotions and dwelling on the suffering and pain my husband went through.
It was such a roller coaster of emotions, thoughts and sheer pain,. For a while there,, I had forgotten I was being held up and strengthened by God's Love.
I had allowed my self to feel the grief and pain....I was swallowed up in it.
Now, when I look back over 3 years later.....I know God was with me every step of the way.....Jesus Wept....Our Tears, of love and grief for our loved are accounted for by HIM.......How Thankful, for God's Infinite, Grace, And Mercy.
I know you are in a good place and space right now.....
Hold on HE will never leave you n'or forsake you,
As you go through this painful journey of grief.
Love, Peace and Yes, even Joy at times.....
Big hug for you from,......Sandra

Thank you Sandra....It's hard to watch our loved one suffer....My pastor was with me..I was in la la land...my mind I think was in shock mode..Then later my emotions took over...I know our story has ended here...but I remind myself it's not the end of the story...That was a promise given us believers by Jesus.....Thanks for sharing your story....It helps knowing I am not alone in my thinking and emotions.. Penny

Thank you Sandra....It's hard to watch our loved one suffer....My pastor was with me..I was in la la land...my mind I think was in shock mode..Then later my emotions took over...I know our story has ended here...but I remind myself it's not the end of the story...That was a promise given us believers by Jesus.....Thanks for sharing your story....It helps knowing I am not alone in my thinking and emotions.Hugs... Penny