WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS OF FAITH Community Group

A place where people of faith may freely discuss issues of grief from a faith based perspective.

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AfterMom 07/24/2019

dear friends, please pray for me to identify some connections for in-person companionship to walk with, through adjustments. I don't know what to do. In no way do I desire male companionship (not ready. may never be). The lady friends I have live too far away to do anything with in-person. It's phone calls with them. Any local friends are married and totally unavailable.

It is very hard to have lost the one & only person with whom I belonged. *That is the One Thing which actually gets worse as more time passes. because time has accumulated and social subtractions become more detrimental. Now I look back and see that "I've been alone for over 4 years now".* It is Not Good. At All. Even God said, after creation (before sin ever affected Adam & the world!) "It is Not good for man to be alone". God said this after declaring of all other aspects of creation "It is good!".

Things like attending church are not enough. because my husband was a leader, and was replaced, church friends completely changed their relationships with me. After 30 years. It is extremely painful that being widowed cost me so much more "belonging", than just my husband. It is so disorienting.

I also need someone to help me work through some tasks at home. My mind seems to have deteriorated since husband died. I need professional counseling but can't afford it. In fact, my basic financial survival is unsettled and my home is at-risk. I have to form new capabilities for rallying into action. depression and anxiety reduces my level of function. Non-widowed Christians don't understand that I can absolutely be confident in The Lord, and at the same time feel so much fear & dread about mySELF, my deficits etc., which are So Much worse to face without my husband.

The Lord carried me through horrifying injury & illess (+ isloation as a direct result of the illness: medically suspended drivers license for over 9 months) during the first 2 years. and, for some reason I actually thought that everything after my surgery would be "a breeze"! (after a rare tumor had affected my BRAIN) Well, guess what? I am still not equipped for this terrible Journey!

Truly, losing my husband has gutted my sense of Belonging in this world. I was just 18 when we met, & will turn 65 in January.

Thank you for any prayers., Barb.

Veronica77 07/25/2019

I am sorry for the hard time you are having. Can you downsize? If you are turning 65 will you be getting a pension of some kind? I have also found it very hard to be around people who don't know what it"s like to loose half of yourself. After five years I am starting to feel a little more settled but I have to stick to a routine and be patient with myself. I am sending out prayers for you. Love and hugs.

AfterMom 07/25/2019

I took early Social Security widows benefit (I was broke and unwell). Taking it early reduces the monthly amount a lot, permanently. But that was the advice I got from my husbands' friend who was the only one helping me. At some point I may get a few hundred dollars a month more but (the men in charge have NO concrete info for me) Please, it is too hard for me giving detailed answers about my prayer requests now. I don't even know the answers. I need prayer for mind, emotions, financial plan to form. Downsizing (& even maintenance) requires executing huge organization tasks. No doubt, unavoidable. but requires work, & a great deal of functional ability. I still have a large mortgage. Please pray for a plan to begin being revealed. I am easily overwhelmed., and need help.
I appreciate your reply and prayers.

gerald222 07/26/2019

Barb I am truly sorry for all the challenges you are facing. I definitely will include you in my prayers. The only suggestion I can make is break everything down into small manageable tasks otherwise everything becomes completely overwhelming. What can be postponed postpone. The isolation you are feeling is truly challenging and I understand the need to vent and get support. Please use this site as often as you need to because the people here do care about your well being. Sending a big Canadian hug your way and lots of prayers to. When in a valley I keep telling myself it is only temporary and God will guide me to the top of the mountain once again. Hope to see you at the top soon. God bless. Gerry

AfterMom 07/28/2019

The LORD bless you Gerry., thank you for your faithful work here. AND your patience !! I attempted to reach out for help at church today....I got input that was overwhelming, in view of the fact that I prefaced EVERYthing by carefully explaining the functional difficulties I am facing.
I really do hope this is temporary :-/ and God will guide me to the top of "some" mountain once again :-I

shewearsblack17 07/31/2019

Barb, I can relate. I also got demoted when my husband passed. Now my former pastor and his dear wife are kicking me out of the duplex I rent from them. I have two weeks to do it all in, and I just don't see how. One reason I left that church was because of their gross neglect of the widows, namely myself. I have another duplex secured in the Midwest, but Lord knows how or if I can get there by August 15. I need help and have very little. I started going to another smaller church. Every day I wake, I have to start sorting, packing, and selling stuff. I also need to sell one of my vehicles, and it needs cleaning. I am already behind from my accident. It is enough to make some people lose faith. It's hard for me to stay strong; I am exhausted!

AfterMom 07/31/2019

shewears, I am SO SORRY for what you are experiencing! I pray for you.! The church body can often be crippled.
at least you do have your mind. I've read all the things you have done, moving, sorting, selling, packing. it's all herculean work & accomplishments.
My mind is unable to do things. it makes me stay stuck.
a couple ladies offered "one hours' help" and I am just so ashamed of my home and afraid of being condemned...I have already experienced being deemed ineligible to do 2 hours' of a duty at church...If the ladies report to pastor that I haven't even taken care of my home and he deems me even less of a human, I won't be able to bear another wound... I'm going to ask one of them if she is willing to help me without, after seeing my home, feeling as if she "needs to get counsel from the pastor" about seeing me firsthand been seemingly irresponsible. because I know his values / opinions about homemakers hold such a high standard, and he would no doubt just say "If she hasn't been a good steward of her own place, then don't help"... he doesn't comprehend my weakness of mental faculties since being widowed.
PLEASE pray for me from now through Sunday and forward, for emotional & spiritual safety.
BIG HUG to shewearsblack !

AfterMom 07/31/2019

ps, actually, I had declined even before my husband died...can't blame it all on grief etc.

Chosendia 07/31/2019

I am praying for you! I can identify with you. God tells us when we go through things like these we are to trust HIM. Our strength comes from the Lord. We can do all things through Christ Jesus our Lord, we just have to trust HIM. Sometimes people don't want to hear God's Word, but that is the only thing that will get us through these tough times, amen. When I went through I found myself so grieved that I actually went under my bed to find peace, but God spoke to me in many ways, and I found peace in HIM. He is our peace, amen.

AfterMom 08/17/2019

thank you all for praying. I made a couple small steps at home, with some help. Those were on the last 2 Saturdays. It is humbling that small steps feel so huge.
I also went to a follow-up appt with a Dr this week. Am hoping & praying that treatment helps me.
I was given some discouraging news about the financial advisory for small resource I will be getting. The picture is scary.
Please pray for the Lord to manage everything Himself., and be merciful towards me. I have no idea what I will be doing.
Lord bless you all.

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