I hear you dear Patricia, I'm praying for you.
Sending you love and gentle hugs today,
Your friend, Sandra,

Sandra , your so kind :)
Thank you for being a encourager
Xxxxx

Definitely sending prayers and Canadian hugs to. A clearly remember the raw pain and anguish of the first year. You are in the most difficult part of the grief journey. I promise you the pain will ease over time and please cling to your faith during these difficult days. For each person we must process our loss mind, body and soul but we will definitely walk this difficult path with you. God bless. You have a lot of company on this grief road. Some of us are in front of you, some beside you, and some behind but we are all here together. The best part is we are all trying to walk with God leading us. You cant go wrong with that.

You are in my prayers, Patricia.

I know what you are feeling. People tell me I am " stuck " in grief but I tell
everyone it is not by choice.

Each of us lost someone that was as much a part of our life as our right
arm. The pain slows now and then but never goes away. I am now
approaching ten months and it is just as raw as it was at two months. The
only thing keeping me going is my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am
clinging to Him for dear life.

Gerry has it on target as usual. Some of us are in front of you, some beside
you and some behind you but we are all together on the same road.

Keep praying, Patricia. At times when you feel the pain the most, just keep
praying and talking to God. He is listening.

Blessings -

Darrell

Thank you Gerry, I do cling to God and pray a lot but this
has changed me, sometimes I feel so distance, it's almost like
I have somehow shut my feeling off and go numb ... So unlike me
and I think I have panic attack, I just came out of one, it's like, I
realize I can't see him :( and I start crying and feeling like the
World is crashing down around me and I want to scream . I
have learned to tell myself"this to shall pass" this to shall pass"
I don't like this roller coaster ride of emotions :(
Thank you so much for your prayers
Xxxxxx

Hi Darrell
You are so right about not having a choice with these feeling and
grief . If they only knew. And I had no ideal this is what it would feel
Like :( ... I have family and friends who has backed off from me and that hurts
along with all these other emotions
Thank you so much for your prayers
Xxxxx

Patricia,

So sorry that you are having to deal with all the raw grief of the first year!! We all have here, or are doing so now. ( As Gerry said) Jesus is the main healer, and time comes in second.
I understand how you feel!! Been there and done it too. The distance you feel is the grief you are feeling. Jesus knows about it and understands His children. He will be there by your side ~~ even when you don't feel like He is there. I felt the same things, but, later I could look back and knew Jesus was carrying me even when I felt so alone.
There is a time to grieve, and for you, and us, that is now. Yes, grief stays with us, as we travel along this widowhood road. It does become easier as time goes on. We will always miss our loves, and always love them also, but, as time passes, we learn to laugh and have joy in our lives again. Yes, there is still an occasional tear or two, and loneliness, but, our lives do move on.
Sent a prayer up for you and all the rest of us.
Blessings, Joely

Hi Patricia
You are at the numb, pain in stomach stage I am sure. It does get better but you will always miss him.
it has been three years for me and the waves of grief still come when you lest expect it. If you can ...do a lot of walking and praying. writing in a journal and being grateful for the good memories. This did help me. You will be in my prayers.Sending you hugs.......................
Diane

I had a wave of grief on Saturday morning. Not even sure what triggered it. Maybe surviving another week of putting one foot ahead of the either and keeping my emotions in check, and then needing an outlet. I was wailing and sobbing and I finally said "please help me God". I mentioned in other posts that songs seem to come into my mind when I need them. The song "The Rose" came into my mind just the last part:

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

It was very soothing and I "shifted gears" and got on with my weekend. Here is the whole song:

"The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Joely
Diane
Veronica
Thank you,girls xxxx
I hope one day I can encourage some one like you all just did me
From the bottom of my heart thank you all
PrayerWorks

I know exactly how you feel, it has been just a little over 2 months for me since Vic's been gone, the reality that he is not coming back sometimes eludes me. We had been separated for 2 months before, 1st when he suffered the TBI in 2004 and was in ICU for a month and rehab for another and then 2 months again in 2013 when he fractured his pelvis and had to spend 2 months in a skilled nursing facility.

Now it is going past that 2 month mark, in the mentality of my soul I know he is really gone this time, but I think psychologically part of me still thinks he is coming back even though I know better. I look in his studio, I see the unfinished painting on his easel, its just so hard to believe he is really gone this time and is never going to finish it yet I can't think of removing it from the easel.

One thing that helps is that I never think of him as being "dead" because in reality, he is not, he has just gone home and I know that eventually I will join him there. Then I think about how fast time goes by, on the 3rd of July, it would be our 34th wedding anniversary, it seems like it was just the other day.

The time goes by so fast that it won't be that long before that time will come when I see him again, in the meantime, I just have to take it one day at a time, and know that it won't really be that long . I often wonder what he is doing in heaven, so many of his musician friends have also passed, are they "jamming" in heaven, maybe he is painting there. I wonder so much about all of those things, when I think about it, I get excited thinking one day I will know, in the meantime even though I miss him so much, I have to keep going on until God decides to bring me home also.

I think about this verse sometimes also, it will be nice when we are all in heaven and can look back at this time and reflect:
Rev. 21:4 and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

That is really something to look forward to!

Strange that when I looked on the board and this was back at the top .
Today has been extremely hard:(
All I can do is cry and my children have contacted me today
and each of them are hurting today (Father's Day)and that hurts me cause I can't fix it :(
On the 13th of July, Tommy and I would have our 38th wedding anniversary :(
I married him when I was 20 years old ...so long ago....
This emotional roller coaster is driving me crazy ....
I'm trying real hard :(

Today is a hard day. I am sending prayers your way. I do pray God provides you strength and comfort in these times of such great sorrow. {{HUG}}