A loss I didnt expect when my wife passed away was I lost 'Me'.  What I mean by that is I identified myself as a married man, part of a couple, Pabita's husband and I didnt really spend much time thinking who Gerry was.  Then when my wife passed away I realized I didnt know who I was any more.  Like a child or teenager I had to go on a road of discovery to find 'Me" again.  The problem was I couldnt go back to the me before I was married because that person was now gone.  In the marriage I grew up, learned to love unconditionally, learned to make compromise and was influenced by a amazing woman.  I was now influenced by all the changes that had occurred to me in the marriage.  At first as I wrestled with the pain of grief it was really scary to not know who I was on top of all the other losses that had occurred.  Ever so gradually through trial and error I began to try different activities and expose myself to different types of people.  I had good clarity in what my value system was which was a good foundation to build on.  Some people I met inspired me and others I found somewhat toxic for lack of a better word.  I discovered the vast majority of people walking this earth have something to teach us and I believe most people do have a inherent good within them.  Friends encouraged me to aTtend ballet and symphony and theater which I never did before.  I enjoyed some of it and was amazed at the amount of training that went into each of these.  I discovered I like to travel when the opportunity arises.  I absolutely love to reach out and help others.  I found a sense of community in the various churches I joined.  Some volunteer activities I liked and some I didnt.  I found my house was not a good fit for me anymore and I sold it.  I found I need to set a part of the day and talk to God to feel truly balanced.  I discovered I was more self confident than I realized(I used to be very shy).  I now tell peope I love and appreciate them because you never know when your last meeting will be.  Family is central to my life.  I try to ask God each day what he wants me to do rather than doing only what I want.  I am still working on that lol.  I have moved to a new city across the country 1 month ago and I am challenging myself each day with this new life.  One of the greatest changes that Hhas occurred in me is gadually I have learned to surrender to Gods will and trust him.  I dont regret the past and I dont live in the future.  I live each day with full appreciation and joy.  I carry my grief right next to my heart as I push forward and see what God has planned for me next.  M wife will always be a part of who I am.  Her and God both want me to reach out and challenge myself to reach my full potential and hopefully make the world a little better of a place in the process.

   I would love to hear other people stories of how they found themselves once again.  Loss of identity is a huge part of losing a spouse in many cases.  God bless.