WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS OF FAITH Community Group

A place where people of faith may freely discuss issues of grief from a faith based perspective.

0 Online

gerald222 10/21/2017

Last night I experienced my first grief wave in a long time. What I mean by a grief wave is a profound sense of sadness/emotional pain that is so intense and is a result of the loss we have all expereinced. They can occurr at anytime and many things can be a trigger. In the early stages of my grief journey they can last for days and completely debilitate me. Over time they have become less intense and far less frequent but clearly will creep up when I least expect it. For this particular wave I knew the trigger is my only child moving away across the country and more specifically not expereincing the empty nest thing with my spouse. It was yet another reminder of having to face significant life changes without a partner. Yes I cried, yes I expereinced the gut wrenching pain but now I have also learned the coping skills to move through them. In the early stages when I thought I was going out of my mind I clung to my faith and God and yes he carried me on many different occassions. Trusting or surrendering to God remains the most important coping skill. I also realize the wave will pass and I must honor and respect raw emotions that need to be released. A grief counsellor once explained to me a grief wave is your mind, body and soul continuing to process the loss expereinced. There is no getting over a loss. You carry them in your heart and learn to move forward. Now when I expereince life challenges and the odd grief wave I remember Gods healing hand and yes wherever God walks with you there is hope for tomorrow. Would love to hear other peoples coping skills or insights with grief waves or how they choose to manage them.

avm99 10/22/2017

Oh I know all about the grief waves. Like you said it's now part of who I am. I'm at almost six years since my husband died and I listen to my body and embrace the feelings of sadness. I write down what I'm feeding and the loss that I'm experiencing. The milestone events of my children are a trigger. My sister got married this past summer and I cried when she danced with my father because it hit me in the face that my daughters have been denied this opportunity. I've had to remind myself to pray more. I've had some negative experiences at work and I'm praying to God to carry me while I'm feeling down.

Canadian hugs,

Antonella

lindonn 10/23/2017

gerald222....yes! Grief waves! You have described this all so well. It feels exactly like a wave going over me. My husband has been gone almost 10 weeks now. I think I am just moving from the shock stage. I don’t feel quite as ‘raw’ as at first, but those triggers are can hit at any time. Like you, I have my faith in God that carries me through.

My husband was sick for a long time and we weren’t able to attend church. We had church at home, by watching Dr. Charles Stanley, reading the Bible and praying together. The week after Donn passed, I started going to church and attending a Christian based grief group. I knew I had to get out and seek a closer relationship with God to get through this. He has always been with me and helped me so many times....and I have failed Him so many times. Thank God that He doesn’t give up on us!

I also want to be a help to others, so I plan to find a way to do that. I am sure God will help me to do this. God bless you and be with you....Linda

regwin 10/23/2017

Gerald, This is a sad time for you with your daughter moving across country. We want the best for our children but it is hard to let go. My son and his wife have moved several times in the twenty five years that they are together. It's always a good move to a new job. I look at it as a new and different place for me to explore.. Now they are finally coming home and moving thirty miles from where I live. It will be good to have them home.
I've just recently become a Great, Great Grandmother. How I wished my husband could be here to share the joy. I turn it over to God when I feel the sadness setting in. Prayer as we know, always helps. . May Peace, and the love of God be with you. Hugs, Dolores

Msbklyn 10/24/2017

I know that feeling as well. I thought I had moved past the worst of it but recently was hit with a difficult one shortly after the second anniversary. I too have learned to honor my grief and allow myself to fully experience the pain so I can move on. It took me a long time to be able to do that. I was so afraid of the pain. I have also increased my prayers and try to surrender to God although I still question the why of things at times. Then I realize that is just my flesh in it's weakness and I can only combat that by trusting in God and knowing that his ways are for our good, even when we don't understand. I think of Job often and try to find inspiration. When my son talked about moving 1200 miles away last year, I panicked. However I said nothing and prayed and came to the conclusion that I could rack up miles as I visited him. Thankfully he didn't leave but being able to have that perspective helped. God Bless. Marybeth

Veronica77 10/24/2017

When I turned 65 last month it really hit me that Mike would not be there for my senior years. I was hit with a grief wave, and everything feels fresh and raw again. I have found that in my deepest pain the Lord has comforted me and sometimes lifted the grief right of off me. I can't say I have any coping methods, I just know the Lord has got me this far and will continue to carry me through. ((Hugs))

MrsP 11/02/2017

My counsellor in the early days of my loss used to describe these grief waves as tsunamis. When I feel one coming on, I picture this huge wave coming toward me, take a deep breath and try my hardest to ride it. I am coming up to 12 months now and have only got this far with love shown by my adult children, and my belief that my darling man is just behind the veil, waiting for me. Love to all of you xx

shewearsblack17 11/25/2017

I am coming up on the end of the first year alone again, and I am already getting mail from Medicare. Decisions I have to make alone. I have been in a "grief wave" since Thanksgiving. I read a book called "The Walk" (by Richard Paul Evans) during this holiday, and it brought back not so pleasant memories. I am also indecisive about my location - whether to remain here with two sons and 4 grands, or go back to the Midwest to 2 other sons and 4 grands. I can't just toss a coin, so I continue to pray and do whatever comes next, if that makes sense. Trying to be accepting of my lot and my singleness for the fourth time in my life, including my childhood, is a challenge. If I haven't "found" myself by now, I may never, I tell people. I would like to get all my "stuff" sorted through and downsized before a new person comes into my life, but that could take another year, give or take. I am told he will come to me at the right time, and we will both know it's right. I guess I don't believe that I am still married, as some do, because we went our separate ways on Dec. 13; the vows no longer hold, and there are no marriages in Heaven. We will all be like the angels. Besides, he has his first wife up there already, so where would that leave me? There will always be memories, good and bad, but I am still alive, and I want to live.

jdp 11/26/2017

Decisions especially regarding house updates have taken a toll on my stamina. Now a new car, something I NEVER had to undertake previously...
For me, FAITH has been essential to succeed. It is overwhelming to make contacts, to find the help I need for repairs, choices that I NEVER had to decide before my husband's death.
"Our greatest comfort in sorrow is to know that HE is in control"

Join the Conversation