Pretty much Every thing in life is a reminder of my husband's departure. The loss is in every aspect of life: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual too. I had a terribly false notion that my spiritual life would only consist of compensation & comfort for the loss on other levels. But the loss is very spiritual too. Spiritual pain is the most unexpected thing of all.

I'm guessing someone or ones have said to you that Jesus was now your husband. I just shake my head at that because I believe they are taking that scripture out of context totally. God is all powerful, but I have never heard of a case where He had any romantic encounters nor personally came and moved heavy boxes. He has FED the widow, among other things, but even then, he used a prophet. The point is, He uses PEOPLE to accomplish His work, If they look the other way, they aren't "visiting the orphans and widows in their afflictions." I, too, expected some sort of compensation and comfort, but haven't seen it yet.

what I meant was: I thought that my relationship with the Lord would help me compensate better, and be more of a tangible comfort for my husband's absence. That said, I can not imagine how horrible it would be if I didn't know the Lord.! but I still ache terribly, after 3 years have passed.
Nevertheless, I agree with you that God uses people to accomplish His work. He has used people to help me in many ways. but my biggest need for "heavy lifting" (physical help) remains ahead of me. People are clueless about the amount of hands-on help we need. I get overwhelmed easily. I can tell by your posts that you are accomplishing more than me.

This shakes our faith to the core. I still don't have all mine restored. The neighbor guy wanted to move the shelf this evening, but I had church. I had been praying for God to send me some help. So, after church, I went and got gas and then stopped by Albertson's. On the way out, a car was parked in front of the store, and it was a young couple from my church. This guy and his brother helped me move 4 large garage shelves a year ago, so I asked for their help once again. Maybe the other guy will show up as well. I will have to pay rent on the unit and just get pro-rated. I don't feel like i have accomplished much of anything, but some. We had a lesson on prophecy tonight, and by the way it sounds, I may be seeing my late husbands sooner than I realize. I may not have time for another relationship. It's hard to picture this in my mind.

Boy do I know what you are talking about! After Rick died, my brother moved in with me "temporarily" to finish a few things around the house. We had been remodeling when Rick died. I paid my brother for his work (that never did get done.) You are also right that God uses physical people to do physical things. This is where the church and family are supposed to kick in. I disagree about the husband to the widow part though. I believe that He does love us in that way as well as many other ways. We are a part of Christ's bride, the church. He washes us with His word and draws us to Him with cords of love. It took me many years to see this though. I had to get past the unrelenting grief and learn how to live first. I will pray along with you and ask Him to provide you with help for chores and work that you need to have done. I will also pray for strength and comfort for you and AfterMom.

What I mean is that I think people say that to keep you from remarrying or going into another relationship. We were created to need a spouse. If God had been enough for Adam, He would not have made Eve. But God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." That is my point. Everyone could remain single otherwise, never get married at all, if they are spiritual enough. I remember at a church picnic talking to a divorced woman who remarried. She was going on and on about how she prayed and set her sights on "Roy." But when I said something about not wanting to stay single, she lit into me! She said, "YOU may have to." That's easy to say when you have someone's hand to hold, someone to talk to, someone to sleep with, someone to help pay the bills, etc., etc. I see being part of the Bride of Christ as different. Like an analogy. I think a lot of widows and widowers (not all) refrain from remarrying because of what people think - and die lonely.

Dear shewearsblack, You are totally right about people being made to love and to have someone to hold. I am so grateful for the years I had with a loving husband. It also seems that people also have a talent for being critical whether it is about finding love again or what new color you painted your living room. It stings when people try to trample your hopes and dreams and small pleasures. Please reserve judgment on the Bride of Christ though. You are still in the difficult, hurting part of this journey. I have experienced exquisite manifestations of His love for me, from little nonsense gifts from people that just happened to be an inside joke between God and me to seeing Him part the traffic on a five lane cloverleaf around Chicago so that I could get into the lane I needed on the other side of the road. When these kind of things happen, I know it is God. He also wakes me at night with new insight into verses that show me more of who He is or giving me ideas of how He wants me to illustrate my kids Sunday School lesson. I have gotten to the point where I am secure in Him. I am not saying that you should not have another relationship. This is obviously the way God made you and you must follow the plan that He has for you. In fact, when I pray for you I ask for God to give you someone to love. I am saying that as the raw intensity of your situation smooths out, there is an intensity of relationship with God that can be there either as a widow or in a shared way with a husband as you both love and serve Him together. I know couples who are like this. I never remarried and I am not lonely. I am content. I wish other people's comments did not hurt you so. You live before God, not them. Either way, the final goal is life together with Him and you are definitely headed in that direction. With tender affection. Suzanne

shewearsblack17, I don't have the resilience needed to remarry, or even interact with a new man in that way. but I admire any widow who is.
You already showed resilience by remarrying after being widowed before. and you may attain a loving marriage again.
In the midst of difficulties, you are still motivated with much internal determination. That is about 9/10ths of the battle in widowhood & everything else in life.
You will come through this OK. You are still looking to the Lord for help, and are doing your part too.
I, however, am absolutely floundering with the smallest of things.

I apologize for getting off my original topic. I am not pushing or rushing anything, but it would be nice if the end result is to find someone else - the right person. I would want someone to truly cherish me, and not someone's leftovers. It's a tall order, but it keeps me propelling myself forward.