It is good to read that you are connecting with others. We benefit in communicating, to express our feelings, whatever they are, at that time. Finding ways to "fill" our days is helpful as we continue our life here on earth. What are your interests: yoga, walking (for me am going to the mall to do so!), Bible study group, garden club, bowling, classes @ a community college, volunteering...???
"Our greatest comfort in sorrow is to know that He is in control"
jdp

Hi JDP
Thanks for your reply. Today was my first "solo" day on my own for several weeks since my husband died. I felt I had to do stuff at home today but it has been nicely interrupted by phone calls.

I am interested in yoga and dancing, both activities I have not touched since my husband got very sick and subsequently died. I also have four lovely grandchildren whom I see from time to time. This deep sadness will last for many months I guess as we did have a long and happy marriage. He was, and is, my best friend.

Yoga will restart in February so I may try that again. And I will most likely have to downsize as I live on acreage which is impossible for me to look after, so if that is the case I will be kept pretty busy soon. K x

Some days are easier than others, your reply is POSITIVE:-) Both of us had to curtail our activities but now with encouragement from others, who have been there, we begin to reconnect & find outlets in both familiar & new avenues!
"He is faithful"
jdp

You are right that you are early in the grief journey where the emotional rollercoaster of feeling sad to ok will flunctuate widely. When the sadness hits allow yourself to feel it and cry. Crying is a extremely healing part of the grief process. Many people will try to distract themselves so they dont have to feel this emotion. The truth is grief needs to come out for healing to occur. When I had extremely tough days in the early part of the journey I clung to my faith with everything I had through prayer. The journals are a place you can write if you chose. In the early stages of my journey I used them extensively. If you prefer a private place you can write in your own journal at home. Journalling is a very effective way to deal with grief. Sometimes you may chose to journal a letter to you husband with all your thoughts and emotions. It is another healthy way to release your emotions. You are also touching base with supportive friends which is a very good sign. You are still in a very raw tough part of the journey. Sending you a big hug and yes post here any questions or concerns. God bless. Gerry

Thanks for your reply Gerry. I do write in a private journal which I find helps release the emotional pressure valve and I'm blessed with supportive family and friends. God is working quietly behind the scenes as he always does I guess. K x

Hi K. I remember those early months. So hard! I used my journal extensively. And now ( heading towards three years) it is amazing how far I have come.
Looking back, rereading my journal, I can see it has been an extraordinary journey.
Wishing you well.
Sandy

Thanks Sandy. I do use my journal almost daily, and already in 9 weeks I can sense a tiny step forward.

Hi Mrs. P. Yes, you are very early in the journey and the mood fluctuation can be intense. Mine is a little better at five months, but some days you couldn't tell that! I know what you mean by the cancer made you feel as if you lost him a few months earlier than you actually did. As for getting something for anxiety, well, you would have to see a doctor to get a prescription for something anyway, so maybe a checkup with the doctor is a good idea. Maybe it's because I am a nurse, but I think all new widows and widowers should get a checkup with the doctor. Many of us do not take care of ourselves after losing our hunnies, some of us need medication for depression or anxiety, and some of us might have other physical problems that we dismiss as "oh, it's probably the grief." I did the last one, chalking my exhaustion up to grief when in reality it was my thyroid!

Me again...............hit "Send" too fast! But anyway, I am glad you have found this site and hope it continues to help you. I know I am so glad I found this place on the Internet!

Sylvia

Thanks Sylvia. Yes my moods certainly do fluctuate. One day good, one day bad. I am going to church this morning, the first time on my own without my husband. My stomach is already churning but I am determined to get through another "first".
K x

Good for you, give yourself a pat on the shoulder:-) It's been 3 years for me since my husband died & I still get butterflies in my stomach @ times!! We again are being stretched.....adjusting to the change in our journey.
Faith is essential to succeed
jdp

Hi JDP, so much for yesterday! Today I feel worse than the day my husband died. I just don't know how to ride this roller coaster. I am doing all the "right" things but each day that passes seems to take me further away from my darling man. All my positivity is draining away. I guess I'll get through it, but it is bloody tough at the moment. K x

Some days are good, some days are not. Part of a day may seem ok, then the remainder a bummer.
Just want you to know this is what happens, this is how it feels.

We are accumulating more time away from our spouse but as time goes by we are closer to being together again in heaven:-)
Ps. 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
jdp

Thank you for those comforting words. K

It has been 16 months since my husband died and I am still feeling a lot of anxiety at times. I think for the first nine months or so I never really thought he was gone for good. Now I know he is not coming back but it does still feel like a dream. He died very suddenly so maybe that s what makes it seem unreal. Each day is still a bit of a challenge but it is getting easier. Hang in there!