WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS OF FAITH Community Group

A place where people of faith may freely discuss issues of grief from a faith based perspective.

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shewearsblack17 12/13/2017

I feel like I have become a loner but not by my own choice. I hate this feeling of quiet isolation, living alone day after day, week after week. Tomorrow morning marks the one-year anniversary of the tragedy. I don't know how I will feel in the morning. Maybe I will sleep through it. I have a cold, so maybe the nyquil will numb the pain inside my heart as well as the cold symptoms. I don't kid myself to think that things will be any different after tomorrow is past, but it does indicate that my survival skills are somewhat intact. To remind me, tomorrow is the day the survivor benefits hit my bank. Thanks guys. I appreciate it, but I would rather have a living husband working a job.

I have not dated even one time during this past year, according to tradition, so I get another point for that. It would be nice to experience new love in the not so distant future, but if I wait til I am completely "whole," I may never find anyone. I try to wrap my feeble brain around that concept, but I can't. I always thought it took two halves to make a whole. The ones I see who appear to be whole, stay single. I am not beating the bushes, but I can hope.

I still feel like I have some form of leprosy and am being quarantined. Yet no one has filed a missing person report on me. I go to church, the post office, Walmart, and the grocery stores. That is my life. It will be months before I see my kiddos again and my new grandson. To think about being up in a plane again by myself is a bit unsettling, but it is a goal, something to look forward to. (I enjoy the take-off and the landing.)

I have already moved one time six months ago; I can do it again. Someone posted that it doesn't help to move; that depends. I think it has helped me. We have to build new lives, however we can. Whatever works. Today I shredded papers and started on a new file cabinet. I may be as slow as a herd of turtles, but at least I am moving. Time is a precious commodity. We either use it or lose it.

Veronica77 12/13/2017

I am pretty much alone though I go to the coffee shop most mornings and there are a number of regulars who get together and have a chat. I am not looking to date and may be getting a pet cat if anything. I am at three plus years and have not adjusted and may never. Some people say you just learn to live with the grief and pain.

My days are pretty much all the same. I make myself a bit of breakfast or go to the coffee shop for a bagel or something. Then I walk for about 45 minutes at the lake which I enjoy as I love nature and the wildlife. I go to the library afterwards to use the computer as my cell phone plan does not allow for a lot of time and I don't want to pay a big fee. Then I go shopping for whatever groceries or whatever I need. Everyday I do a little bit of shopping - it keeps me out and about. In the evenings I have some programs that I usually watch. Then the next day the same thing again usually with some crying time squeezed in between somewhere!

vwidow 12/13/2017

SWB, thanks for your cute remarks etc. and descriptions.
End of Jan. next year marks a yr for me (I mean for him) yet I'm reliving everyday right now the things and times that led up to the end. I wonder sometimes if he would see me and say just get over the hell of it and live and don't mourn too much....If I knew he was safe in the arms of Jesus it would be much easier, though I miss his company so...
It really seems unreal still at times. Especially when I wake up in the morning like YOU said. We were married only around 6 years...and knew eachother almost 7. You can talk to me anytime.
Anita
P.S. Yeah I was just saying those very words to myself the other day- - that time is a precious commodity. It's time with people --that's the preciousness.

gerald222 12/13/2017

For me personally I dropped out of the world for 2 years letting only the closest of people in because I was in so much emotional pain. I then joined a meet up which was a social group for widows and widowers and that helped build new friendships. I then became more involved in my church and again new friendships occurred. To build a social life you have to take small risks. Join a group you normally wouldnt but interests you. Dont wait for others to organize something do it yourself. Look for other lonely people. There are lots out there. Havent formally done the dating thing because I have a cross country move pending this summer. I have spent the time healing and getting to know myself. If there is a relationship in the next chapter of my life I am ready. If there is not I consider myself blessed for what I had. The rebuilding process is a complicated one. Be gentle on yourself.

shewearsblack17 12/14/2017

Gerald, it is possible that I will be doing a cross country move next summer also or shortly thereafter. Today was difficult enough without the monument company messing up the proofs once again. Of all days for me to have to deal with that. Dennis would have said to go with it at this point, but he deserves the best. One of his favorite sayings was, "That's as good as it gets." Of course this too will pass. I went to a friend's house this evening for about an hour, just to break the monotony. Perhaps the mystery man is elsewhere. Right now he doesn't even have to be real; he can be imaginary. It keeps me sane to at least think of that possibility down the road. Meanwhile I am trying to heal, but who am I, really? I have so much "stuff" accumulated from this last marriage and our previous marriages, and I feel driven to purge myself of much of that. Little by little, inch by inch, box by box. It is weird that the other widows I know have written me off. I don't think we have a lot in common. They have family here; I don't, other than one son. I don't invite many people over because I haven't gotten my house set up yet. It is always a blessing to go to bed at night, if I can sleep. My late husband didn't require much sleep, so it isn't overly strange to sleep alone. I am reading "The Walk" series by Richard Paul Evans, I am on book #2. The title is "Miles To Go." The character, Alan, is also grieving. So if we do move cross country, even if we drive or fly, it could be a good thing. I don't know. Right now I feel like I am stuck in neutral or drowning in quicksand.

jdp 12/19/2017

Agree, we have to build new lives. It's difficult @ times. I had one lady tell me SHE would call me when she wanted to get together:-( So, that has made me hesitant to reach out again. The ladies I know that are widows have been so for many years & have their own network of friends. I keep a paperback book in the car, I eat out often & take the book into the restaurant with me.
Patient but when?? It has been 4 years for me, will continue to pray, THY will be done.
Peace, Hope, Faith to all

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