WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS OF FAITH Community Group

A place where people of faith may freely discuss issues of grief from a faith based perspective.

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shewearsblack17 08/12/2018

Okay, I am at the l year and 8 months mark. I just got home from a three week vacation. I went back to where I came from before I married my husband in 2011, to try to sort things out. This last year and a half has been very, very tough, and I have been in a black hole emotionally. The trip did not go super smooth over-all, as I discovered that one cannot go back to his or her past life and find it the same. Nor are we ever going to be the same. However, I think it was good that I went, and although I decided that I could not live in certain locations again, I came home feeling somewhat different in my attitude. I really can't explain it, but I have gotten that out of my system for now (although I may go back to complete my mission later). I sense that maybe things are on the upward spiral; at least I hope that is the case. I know we don't get over the loss or losses, but we rebuild because we have no choice but to do so. Life has become a more precious commodity, and I do want to find happiness and fulfillment again. I feel a certain anticipation of whoever or whatever waits around the corner. I think I am more able to make wiser decisions than I could have even 6 months ago, and I don't feel quite as vulnerable. I still put God first ahead of even a new relationship, should I have to choose, but if God's in it, I don't think it would be either/or. I just pray that I don't sink back into despair, but if I have a relapse, I'll ride it out. I hope this encourages someone out there.

lovesloons 08/12/2018

My feelings exactly, we don't have a choice really but to move forward, bad days good days, but lately more good days. Grief takes you on a journey, no one is prepared to go on but when you must walk that path with many bends and turns, eventually you come to a straight path with less bumps but it is a hard road to travel. Thankful for God, friends and family.

gerald222 08/14/2018

I am truly happy for you. All steps forward are to be celebrated. God bless. Gerry

shewearsblack17 08/15/2018

I guess my bliss was short-lived. I find myself spiraling backward again. The isolation is what's getting to me. Plus thinking about all the injustices that were involved in everything that led to my widowhood. I had little support then, and I have little support now. Will I come across as "needy" if I put myself out there? I'm not necessarily referring to a male, but I need some interaction. I spent several hours last night trying to fix my Keurig, and I'm ready to kick it to the curb. I have been home a week, and I can't catch up enough to even dust. Huge medical bills are coming in that I have to deal with. Today I go to the dentist for a cleaning. If it's not one thing, it's two.

onebrokenheart 08/15/2018

I'm at 5 half years. I also took a trip at about one year and year half mark. They helped but the relief short lived. Here is what I have found in my experience. Grief comes and goes like the tide coming in and out. At first the waves are huge and you feel you are drowning but as time progresses the waves come less frequent and not as big or last as long. It's a slow progression. Many times you'll think nothing will ever get better but it will....very slowly. Another observation I have is to not focus on any new relationship except friends for at least 3 years. Like it or not your just not ready. Grief is like an onion it has many layers and they unfold slowly little by little as time progresses.

shewearsblack17 08/15/2018

3 YEARS???!!! If I was younger, I might agree LOL. It may turn out that way, but not of my own choosing. Anyway, it's soon enough for these friendships to materialize, since it's been almost two years already. What I see is people settling for a life of singleness after just a few years. I guess they get independent or simply give up. Even a never married bachelor I have known for years and saw recently on my vacation didn't even ask for my contact info. I guess he figured I wouldn't be interested, and rightly so, but again, we could be friends. You know, text or whatever.

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