WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS OF FAITH Community Group

A place where people of faith may freely discuss issues of grief from a faith based perspective.

0 Online

gerald222 01/04/2020

Dear Pablita: 7 years. Wow. So much pain, rebuilding, redefining, being lost, drifting, surviving, searching, accepting, understanding, moving forward, rediscovering joy, gratitude, hope and probably most importantly my relationship with God. Sweetheart I was so angry and hurt when you were taken. Pushed off a cliff emotionally. Feeling I had died and yet was still walking. I spent 2 years just existing. Doing what I needed to do and no more. Ever so gradually hope was gradually rediscovered that had been stripped away from me. It started by acknowledging the beauty that was still around me. I then acknowledged the people that still loved me and were part of my life. A huge turning point came was my heart rather than filled with anger and pain became filled with gratitude for the life we shared. You taught me how to be a man, You taught me how to love unconditionally. You taught me unconditional faith in God even when confronted with a terminal illness. I would lie if I didnt say I miss stroking your hair, holding your hand and sharing moments of intimacy only the 2 of us understood. You were so much more my anchor than I realized. Losing you sent me adrift for such a very long time. Since you have passed I have sold the house, moved twice and watched our only child get married. I look at our daughter and I see soooo much of you. Even though I dont believe in should have, could have, would have thinking, I really wish I had a greater undertanding of what a incredible gift you were. The petty disagreements would have never happened. We had this discussion and you said I gave you my unconditional love and support whn you needed it most. I wish it wouldnt have taken a crisis for me to show that level of love every single day we were together. One of the greatest blessings in my life from God was you. You were always the tough and practical one. I know you want me to move forward which I have. Lost sometimes while moving forward but still moving forward. I also know I would not have survived this journey if God hadnt carried me many many times. I know I am stubborn and a slow learner so God still has many lessons for me to learn. iI wont lie I still miss you. Will always love you. and yes tonight it hurts. It no longer devatates me. I do believe I have room in my heart to love again if that Gods destiny for me. You are the one who taught me how to love. Love being putting someone else's needs in front of your own. I know you loved me and I love you. I am working on loving God the way he deserves to be loved. As for the next year of my life only Gods knows and I am ok with that. Sweetheart I imagine your life with Jesus and it gives me peace. Love you and miss you. Gerry

BrokenGeo 01/04/2020

Yes Gerald; the anniversaries are always tough. It'll soon be 7 for me too. But somehow we always manage to get through them. From a personal perspective I really don't know how I (we) do it. I guess down through the ages our inner resilience has taught us that, as an old adage goes that seems true ; (not verbatim). "Through all life's pain and challenges, the ride goes on".
We are the ones left behind; the choice was not ours. But I think for many of us, in light of what our spouses went through; would we have it any other way?
Take Care Gerald and as you like to say, a big Canadian hug from one Canadian to another.

avm99 01/04/2020

Gerry, I’m now at 9 years since my husband died. You inspire me with your tremendous faith. This past year I have been working on my relationship with God. It’s not easy and it’s a struggle. But I am grateful for having a wonderful husband and I have my daughters who are a blessing.

Take good care

Antonella

AfterMom 01/04/2020

Gerry you are always moving forward.
I don’t think you’ve ever been Stuck. You only took time to grieve in a healthy way.
I hope you will stay in forum and continue helping those of us who are so slow..
This March 28 will mark 5 years for me.

handg 01/04/2020

Gerry , you and I have walked the same timeline on this journey and have often hit milestones around the same time frame. Reading your post this thought came to mind , "He gets it" . My faith is maybe a bit different but it has carried me through. This past year I witness my eldest getting married and it was quite bittersweet. I look at him now that he is the same age his father was when I first met him and I am caught up in the similarities... Our spouses were our gifts, and like you if I am meant to have someone else to walk along for part of my journey on this Earth, it will a gift meant to be.

God Bless,
gentle hugs xo

shewearsblack17 01/16/2020

I just passed the 3 year anniversary of widowhood. I haven't been on here in a while, but I did manage to move back to the Midwest. What a deal that was, but God worked a miracle on my behalf. I have been blessed with an affordable (older but comfortable) duplex in a very good area of the city I'm now living in. I attend an awesome church, and my new pastor is a great man of faith. God gave us a super nice 1.2 million dollar church facility, all paid for, and just this month a second piece of property for a daughter work, all bought and paid for as well. I came here to get my healing. I still have not dated, although I am talking to a widower in Australia. I know that the chance of meeting or getting together is slim, but he has awakened something in me that was dormant; he makes me feel alive. We are friends and prayer partners. He is fresh in his grief (6 months), still loves his wife, still considers himself married (and well, lives almost 9000 miles away). I have wrestled with the thought of how I would cope if I ever did marry a widower like him. My reaction at first was jealousy; every photo, every vid, depicts how happy they were. My mature self had to kick in and convince me that it CAN work. I know people who can attest to the fact. I am still lonely, since I live alone and now am in a strange place. I still have a lot on my plate, but I'm holding on to hope because that's all I have. I really expect to meet someone in my area, but I can't box God in either.

onebrokenheart 01/22/2020

Thank you. It will be 7 years February 5th. I'm sometimes at a loss for words but what you wrote to your beloved is exactly what I wanted to say to mine. So thank you Gerry for helping me find my words.

Join the Conversation