I had always been taught to stand on the scriptures about healing. So I did, but the healing did not come - at least not what I considered healing. Now I must consider the fact that "healing" means something else other than being miraculously cured. Now I beat myself up for not giving him the extra dose of morphine "just before,." No one told me to do that, but I am reading where this may be what is normally done? So they go peacefully.

Maybe look at it that they are now whole and healed in heaven. I still long for Mike after four years and though it is not so raw I feel like I am just waiting till I see him again.

Thank you so much for all your loving replies and advice. I know it sounds funny, but he was my rock and my big Daddy and I was his little girl. And he was my main purpose. I feel so lost and he even went food shopping with me weekends and all, now I have to do everything alone, just want to join him, so depressed sometime. Don't know why things happen like this, and what are they doing up there? 4 feet up? That's what Sylvia Browne said. Sorry, I am a Libra and like astrology and was worried if my Schweety is okay when he passed. I read her book, the other side. I don't know if any of you read that book. Really interesting, she believes in past lives too. I would have never have picked this rotten thing to go through in this life to perfect my soul. And never want to come back here again!!

At 2 1/2 years after losing my husband I still struggle with trying to understand God's plan in all of this. I heard something on EWTN radio the other day and the question posed was "Why should you understand what men have struggled with for all ages". I'm paraphrasing here. There is a constant battle between the spirit and our flesh. Can we have faith without complete understanding? It is a choice we make each day to rededicate ourselves to our Lord by reading, praying and living our lives in a Christ like way. I fail most of the time but try again each day and continue to hope in the salvation HE promises. Not easy in our situations but if nothing else this experience can serve to deepen that faith. God Bless and I hope you find some peace. Marybeth

Shewearsblack17, like you, I stood on the Word for healing. My husband and I (and many people) claimed GOD's promises for healing. My husband had anointing for healing, accepting whatever would be the outcome. He was at peace with that, but I was struggling with it. As the cancer advanced, my love wanted to die, though he still hoped to live because he didn't want to leave me.. Me too, hoped right to the end and even after that for a miraculous resurrection. What I had not considered until later was that while all of us were praying for my darling's healing, he might have been praying for an end to his suffering. Not without hope for healing, but for mercy. He had no quality of life. Maybe his prayer was answered, then. I don't know, it was just a thought. When he fell asleep, I praised Jesus for His mercy, yet I was so disappointed that our prayers were answered "Not now." Also, I couldn't, and still cannot, understand why he suffered and I've been left alone without the love of my life. How can I possibly brave the world without him beside me? Well, that is where Jesus is, beside me. I believe, help my unbelief...

Veronica77, I'm waiting, too, to meet him in the clouds when Jesus comes and wakes him up. No more crying, pain, suffering, and death.

Suddenl single, Yes, I wouldn't have chosen this tragedy to perfect my soul, either. I don't believe the Lord does, either. Pain and suffering are the prevalent results of a sin spoiled world. I think it's up to us in how we react to these horrible circumstances. Never want to come back here, too.

Msbklyn, absolutely there is a constant battle between the spirit and the flesh. Yes, it is a choice we make each day. Having and keeping the faith while not understanding is, well, is part of faith. Also it's taking GOD at His word. Requires child-like faith. I'm glad that you are growing in faith.

Thanks to each of you for sharing. I'm very sorry for your losses. Grateful that we can support each other, here. GOD bless you.