Please pray for me. I need to forgive my father for something he said tonight.

Here's what happened: My husband passed in March of last year. Since then my father has emotionally attacked me, draging my name in the dirt from one end of town to the other. I've done nothing to deserve it. As a result, I've seen my bloodpressure go up. And decided I had to make a clean break of it. So, two days ago I decided to break contact with him. It was hard, but something had to be done. As it was, I was on a collision course with the grave.

So yesterday my father called me at lunch. First he called me at work. I wasn't there. So he called my cell phone and I was dumb enough to answer. He said that he needed to talk to me. That he was weak and had a past that made him the way he is. He said he'd always been afraid to talk to me about it, thinking I would be afraid.

He asked me to call him when I got home.

I was stupid and called him. Now I'm a wreck. He started in on me right away, accussing me of causing his foot problems. T hen he said something that took my breath away. His words: That's why your husband didn't want to stay home with you. You're a horrible person.

My husband had no choice but to work. He was like a lot of us. They downsize and give you the work of the people who were let go. He was a kind and gentle man who loved me very much. He proved that in a million ways.

So why would someone who claims to love you say something so horrible? And how do I as a Christian forgive him?

Right now I'm battling for my soul. God is clear on this: We must forgive. And yet he's said so much to me over the past 11 months that has been hurtful. It's like he's glad I'm a widow and wanted to see me hurt. He's been kicking me since I've been down.

I've done nothing to deserve it. He even blames me for a bunion he's had over 60 years. Earlier this year I gave him 15 thousand dollars, redecorated his house, paid for gutter guard and a new shower, purchased a used car for him, all new furniture and a dog(even paying to have him trained). I wanted nothing back, not even a thank you. I did it because I wanted to do it. But since then I've heard nothing but how he changed his house around for me.. How I'm a selfish, evil person. How I'm the reason he quit his job(he's 83 and just retired ten months ago.) This in spite of the fact that the doctor said if he'd continued walking on his foot, it would have had to have been amputated.

Dare I say that my heart that once was full of love for him now hates him. And oh how I dislike using such a powerful word. Yet, he's destroyed me and anything I am now he's made me.

So I need your prayers. And I need them badly. I've got to let all this hate and anger go before there's nothing left of me.

Pray for my soul.