THIS IS MY PAST:
In the Spring Season my life was filled with getting outside, and gardening.
At almost 73, I don't have time to waste. I've been Blessed many times in my life, I've lived through trauma, loss, and emotional pain. I find today, it's harder and harder to bring myself back to life again.
What Do I Want?
I Want To Care Again.
LIVING TODAY:
I am crawling back to life as of Monday, the previous 3 weeks I was in bed, doing nothing but eating sleeping going on my computer and shutting myself off from life.
Depression, ehaustion, grief were my companions every waking hour.
I am being totally selfish, self caring...I want to help myself, I want to help others, I want a space where what I write might make a small difference in someones life as well as my own life.
For the reasons above, in addition to my journal, I'm starting a new path to find my way back to living using the book "You Should Leave Now" by Brie Doyle. Going on a RETREAT to find your way back to yourself Recovering the Lost Self Through Retreat | Brie Doyle | TEDxBoulder - YouTube
About 4 years ago I read this book, journaled by hand the 27 chapters. The end result was Life Changing, I took a trip to Pine Point Maine, to heal grief and loss of my family...Maine was a place of Magic, where we all were together, in a huge house off the ocean, with the miles of beach within 3 minutes walking distance, and in view always.
Today, I'm starting anew this book to heal grief, loss, find happiness again as I move from my home of 27 years into a brand new Blessing? condo. I add the question mark after Blessing because I'm in a state of flux emotionally...in my heart I'm in pain, in my brain I know it's the right move.
So, posting in some other groups I'm in with the hope you will join, you will join being a companion, or join and lerk...what ever is best for you. On DS we are all about healing and reaching out to help.
Peace Healing and Strength To All Of DS and To The World At Large<3 ml
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
You were so excited when you saw the condo ML....You loved it!!
Try not to lose site of thst
Msybe look back at some of your older journals and read how you felt when you saw it and decided this was right for you and John
I hope that there will be a park close with big old trees that you can go and visit and
feed the birds
Big hug sweetie...Deep breaths...xo
My first glimpse of hope and relief came making the decision on Sunday, that I would get out of bed and get dressed...first time since May 5th. Then on Wednesday when I learned I could get a loan in the amount needed only for closings and to restore my savings.
I still have a long way to go, and I Am Choosing To Live...not just exist, that is my hope and goal with restarting What Do You Want???...and maybe a few people along the way might find me and be helped too...that would be the whipped cream with a cherry on top!
As for a park, I plan on getting a pass to my current town to the beaches/parks that will last the summer season, so not all will be lost. And yes, I do have a beautiful state park a couple of miles away from my new condo<3