Afraid but hopeful I entered the doctor’s office
Who had my fate in a file he was holding with his hands
I tried to smile and stared at his eyes
Attempting to read through his eyes what my files contained

I had jus quit smoking a few months back
I expected to feel better, but each day was worst
My abdomen hurt, I had heartburn and was coughing a whole lot
Was it a mistake to quit smoking cigarettes?

Before all this, I had been to multiple doctor appointments
I got MRIs, blood tests, prostate checkup, endoscopy, etc. nothing found
Finally, after a colonsocopy, which bother alot, I had 3 large polyps taken out of my colon and given a tough diet,
Unfortunately, the results on the biopsy had to wait a week or so

Many thoughts circled my head and I lost my sleep
I had nightmares at night and was unable to focus anymore
I still was hopeful that God would give me a second chance
I was just starting to live my life for once

After months of scare and doubt here I stand
Waiting for my doctor to look up and tell me straight out
Will I live or will I die and become just a stat
I wanted to live but I was so frustrated that I was ready to die.

The doctor looked up and stared at me
“It was a good thing you came to me…. the polyps are still clean.”
“If I would have not detected these, within a year these could have been cancerous”
So my health is ok, but why I still feel unsettled?

I look within and found and old friend who I tried to hide from years back
It was Andy the guy who fell in love with best male friend
Then I knew what it was, I was gay and needed to face the facts
If I don't come out, I will be wasting this wake up call

My best freind seeing me suffer popped the question "are you bi"
I looked at him scared to death since I new how homophobe he was and said "yes I am"
He smiled and said I am glad you are out to me, I am here for you 100%
So I have decided to come out slwoly but surely no matter the cost

So now my three best friends know for sure and are supportive
My parents suspect but don't have the courage to ask
My mom texted me saying she knows; I am sure she told my dad
It is a slow process but a thrilling one with fireworks and all

I am happier than any time ever before
So all I can say is that I am no longer afraid to be me or what others have to say
Since I am gay virgin, I will experiment with a sincere desire to confirm being so
And find a partner to live a fulfilling and happy life

Don't be afraid to be yourself for I prefer to be hungry and broke rather than jailed and fake
No more closet for me no matter the cost or rejection
I can lose my job and be broke the rst of my life
But I will be free from now on!

Peace out!
Andy