VOICES OF RECOVERY Community Group
Overeaters Anonymous/VOICES OF RECOVERY focuses on the 12 Steps of Recovery, OA Literature and sharing your recovery with us.
Here are a few topics that an OA writing group did when I first joined OA. I was so fortunate that my first OA meeting was a topic writing meeting. I learned a great deal about myself at those meetings.
Make a list of your fears.
What makes you feel guilty.
What makes you feel ashamed.
Envious.
Angry.
Resentful.
You can either post your responses or use your journal.
Remember don't filter as in "Oh, I can't put that down..."
Make a list of your fears.
What makes you feel guilty.
What makes you feel ashamed.
Envious.
Angry.
Resentful.
You can either post your responses or use your journal.
Remember don't filter as in "Oh, I can't put that down..."
I fear my daughter is so afraid that she will be an old maid that she may not be addressing some red flags with the boyfriend she has.
I fear my mom will pass and she will never realize how much I love her. I have had to distance myself from the unhealthy environment she chooses to live in and she takes that as I don't care.
I feel guilty about putting so much responsibility on my daughter at a young age. I used to stay with my son when he was hospitalized.
I feel guilty about making my daughter go to her cousins just to avoid fighting with my sister and mother.
I feel guilty about complaining to my husband about not having enough money for this or that. I made him feel like an unfit provider. Complaining about living in the country and taking me away from my friends and my old church.
I feel guilty about making my family feel so guilty when I wanted them to do something. They used to call me the queen of guilt trips. Wait, they still do, but I'm really getting much better at that.
Ashamed about my constant dieting, then binging, then dieting. Ashamed about spending ridiculous amounts of money on any new "diet" craze. Ashamed of all my complaining. Ashamed of hiding food wrappers. Ashamed of binging and then taking it out on my family and telling my husband and kids how much I hate myself, and hate my life, etc. Ashamed of putting them through that.
Envious, of the perfect family, haha. I used to envy the popular cute girls in school. I used to envy people but I don't think I envy anyone now.
Angry at my two sisters for making my mom believe I'm an awful person. Angry at my two sisters for all the things they've done and said about me and my family over the years.
Angry at my husband for not giving up his Patriots Tickets when they got so expensive.
Angry at the fact that I have such a hard time losing weight.
Angry at myself for not being able to speak up. For avoiding confrontation at my own peril.
Resentful at my two sisters again but that's a long story. Oh, and I guess my mother in law lately. She's in a nursing home and I took her to Florida last November for her only grandson's wedding. Made all the arrangements, nurse, etc. Then she tells my husband that it was one of the worst times she's had in her life being stuck with me and my family all weekend. Well, it hurt because 30 years ago she wanted my husband to have me committed to an asylum and sign my daughter over to her.
Did you feel better writing this down? You are working the 4th and 5th Step.
I have lots of fears about my son even when I turn him over to HIS Higher Power (God).
I fear he will never ask for the help he so desperately needs (in my opinion)
+++++++++++++++
I fear Don and I will not come to an agreement about where to live, when and if to sell our home,
living in a warmer climate in the winter.
++++++++++++++
I feel guilty when I don't want my mom to visit for longer than two weeks.
I have felt guilty when I have counted the days until she goes home.
I feel guilty over the many decisions I made about my children's activities.
I feel guilty over not giving my son a new bike.
I feel guilty about not noticing or understanding his behavior as a teenager, calling it adolescent angst rather than alcoholism/mental illness.
I feel guilty when I remember how demanding I was about choosing a place to eat.
I too feel guilty about the times I binged and was not available for my children.
ENOUGH FOR NOW.
*I fear for my sons wellbeing if i should die from my compulsion. (who will look after him the way I do?)
**I fear for my daughter who struggles with depression and ocd. (my two brother's committed suicide and a third tried) what if she feels lifes to tough to deal with
***I fear that I will always give in and take that first bite (what if the miracle doesn't happen for me)?
****i fear that my sponser will give up on me
***** I fear that I will always feel sad and dissatisfied with life
GUILT
#I feel guilty for not being present when my children have needed me.
## for taking my anger and frustrations out on people who didn't deserve it and in the case of my children couldn't defend themselves
###For being selfish
####For secretive eating and lying about my food consumption
#####For wishing for better 'parents, Husband, children, house etc' rather than appreciating what God has given me
ASHAMED
+I'm ashamed of my body
++I'm ashamed of the way I behaved (especially as a teenager)
+++I'm ashamed of the way I judge others and lose my temper so quickly
++++I'm ashamed of the money I've wasted on diets, dietbooks, gym memberships I've not used.
+++++I'm ashamed of how I've treated those who have loved me.
I think I will let that settle and do some more later.
Thanks bubbles for thought provoking questions and also for the honest answers from you and lucylui.
I'm not sure if I feel better writing it down, I reread it and thought I shouldn't have said some of those things.
I can't believe the stuff I've already written on here. It may be because it's not face to face and my avatar is a dog.
Although I've gotten such good feedback, feel so much better about myself and am abstinent today, that I am thinking I might as well throw it all out there and see if I can learn be content and happy.
I know and accept that I was doing the best I could at the time.
Now I get to practice: forgiveness, compassion and letting go of the past. That was then...this is now.
As I grew older I was jealous of the things other girls had and got to do.
I was jealous of the tall and slim hipped girls. It seems I wanted what others had and what they looked like never acknowleding what I had and what I got to do. Example: my mom bought us a swimming pass to a beach near our home. I think she really wanted to get us "out of her hair". Regardless, I loved the beach, especially on hot summer days.
I was envious of other women's homes. Although today my home is beautiful...I am grateful.
Today: I am envious of intact families. On the outside they appear to have no problems but I know this is not true but I am still jealous, very envious of people whose son's are balanced and appear to be succeeding in their lives.
I don't know what to say as I've been critical of almost every member in my family.
Judging everything people do and say, etc.
Does it make me feel better to judge others? Perhaps so.
I could blame my mother as she judged everything and everyone also.
As they say, one finger pointing at another, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself.
* I am envious of people who seem socially compitent (i am either over compensating loud and dominating or feel way out of my depth)
** I am envious of people who can be 'normal' around food.
***I am envious of my sister inlaw- for the relationship she has with her parents, her job, her popularity
**** I am envious of other women who have husbands that can be present and not in the alcohol. I've felt second place to beer, both as a child and as an adult
CRITICAL
I am critical of our sons carers for the small things (my controlling tendancies come in here)
I have been judgemental mainly because pointing out other peoples faults make me feel better. I find it difficult to compliment and easy to judge others, although I am changing it has been a difficult habit to break.
My parents have also been critical and judgemental of others, it isolated me as a child as no one else was good enough for me to play with. I always felt on the outside which justified what my parents said. It leaves a bitter tast in my mouth!
losing my husband to death
losing my brother who is in active addiction now
my son not being a productive member of society never 'growing up' always the Peter Pan.
Horror moans or hormones as others call them. Mental Pause or menopause as some call it is not fun and I am afraid I will go crazy on horror moans. I did once before while on progesterone. Very suicidal. I just pray the estrogen doesn't make me go crazy. One stay in the psych ward is enough for a life time.
Guilt
If I am unable to hear what others are saying and thus miss something that was very important that I needed to do for them like hubby asking me to fix his lunch for work. I don't hear him thus don't do it so he goes without lunch. He works nights 10 hour shifts. Fixing his lunch is not a problem if I make a note of it and hear him.
Not having enough patience with my grown children.
I have little to feel ashamed for these days. The 4th step set me free of shame. Shame that I wasn't good enough, too fat, too stupid etc all those bad tapes.
I am envious of people who own their own homes. Truth be told I am also envious of folks who have what I consider the perfect figure but I'm getting over that one as some of those folks are anorexic and bulimic and what is to envy about an eating disorder? Nothing.
Angry Angry and self for not taking advantage of opportunities I had when younger as far as education goes. Angry at self for letting my disease progress so far. That one I'm slowly getting over as I realize I am exactly where HP would have me today. Nothing is wasted in God's economy.
Resentful I am resentful if someone messes with my kids. (My kids are adults) This is the last resentment I had to come to terms with and I am still coming to terms with it and wondering what my place in the resentment was and if I too owe amends whether or not I get one from those who offended me and my kids.
To be honest I've probably left out some stuff but this is all I could think of off hand. I am not perfect by any means but the 4th step did set me free of a lot of baggage and giving it away helped a lot also.
I'm scared of driving here in the Middle East - after four years still not used to driving on the right hand side and then I go back to Cape Town and I'm scared to drive on the left.
I'm scared of flying but I have to do it at least once a year - if the plane goes down who will look after my cats, who will tell my friends on DS?
I'm scared of the dentist and I have a lovely dentist who had done brilliant work on my teeth.
I'm scared of losing my hubby, despite our difficulties over the years - I love him so much and now at his age I see how woman in their forties are coming onto him on Facebook, women who never looked at him when he was young and poor.
I feel guilty about my fears.
I feel guilty when I don't help a friend.
I feel guilty that I hate living in the Middle East and guilty that hubby doesn't know how I feel.
I feel guilty about not working and people ask me "what do you do with your time" and I feel guilty cos I'm thinking I can sleep late.
I feel guilty about sometimes skipping my chores.
I feel guilty about not using the great treadmill and wifii hubby bought me.
I'm ashamed of how much I can eat in one day - I don't do it anymore but just thinking of how I used to eat is shameful.
I'm ashamed of how my boss threatened me with my job when my brother got married and I chose to work to keep my job.
I'm envious of people who have had an easy life with no visable worries and envy the youth of today with how their parents help them.
I'm envious of people who always say the right thing.
I'm envious of slim people.
I'm envious of clever people.
I'm angry that I put on so much weight because others hurt me and I didn't now how to cope with it.
I'm get angry at how poor people are cheated in life or have no-one to care for them in old age.
I get angry at people who don't look after their pets.
I get angry when my husband unwraps something in the kitchen and leaves it on the table for me to throw away.
I get angry when someone repeats nasty stuff about me.
I get angry when I see how close families are but mine isn't.
I get resentful when others don't care about stuff that I can't have.
I get resentful when someone cuts a page out of a library book or library magazine.
I get resentful when someone pushes in front of me in the queue.
I get resentful when waiting for service in a shop and someone who comes after me gets served.
I get resentful when companies don't return calls.
I get resentful when someone approaches me in a shop and thinks I'm staff.
I feel vulnerable putting all this stuff down but its me, warts and all!