I met this man 2 years ago. He was a potential client and most certainly married. I went to bid out a job for him and it was very obvious he was attracted to me. After submitting a bid to him, he replied to the email. Before his salutation, he brazenly asked "Are you attracted to me? I know, weird, right?" I was pretty shocked. This email was followed up with a phone conversation wherein he explained to me that he'd been in a dead marriage for many years, that they slept in separate rooms and were planning on divorcing. He claimed he was moving out shortly. Because I've known many who have been in that sort of situation, I believed him. He said he really enjoyed meeting me and wouldn't mind getting to know me as a friend and asked if I would be open to having coffee with him at his office. I did feel attracted to him and, quite honestly, justified it all.
So..later the following week, I joined him for coffee at his office. In my mind, I was thinking we could be friends and, after his situation had been dealt with, we could begin a dating relationship. Clearly, I was fooling myself. He was very attractive, attentive and had lots of money. To describe him would be to describe the man of my dreams, but that's only how it appears on paper. As we talked, I had this overwhelming sense that he was studying me. He asked me many questions about myself, my family, what brought me to this town....all of these questions seem very standard "getting to know you" questions. However, with him, there was something off and I knew it. He was trying to figure me out. How he could manipulate me. It intrigued me and I think that intrigue is what kept me coming back for more over time. I just couldn't seem to believe my eyes and ears every time he did or said something off the wall. He was like a good book you couldn't put down. The oddest question he asked was..."Have you ever been involved with a cult?" Huge red flag...HUGE!! What kind of question is that? Essentially, he was trying to find out if I was easily manipulated. He kept wanting to see my feet. This really creeped me out. I had heard of foot fetishes, but really never knew exactly what that was. Let's just say I'm "in the know" now. After spending nearly 2 hours chatting at his office, I was ready to leave. I told him it was nice chatting and headed for the door. Upon doing so, he got up, stood in front of me (facing me) and attempted to embrace and kiss me. I pushed him away and told him that I wasn't interested in doing that. He laughed it off. (Weird) So, I left. I knew that he could not possibly be legit, but, again, that intrigue thing is a doozie. Oh - I almost forgot - he also gave me $100 to go get a mani-pedi. SUPER WEIRD. Of course I took it. Who wouldn't rather have someone else pay for their pedi?
He wanted to meet at his office again a couple of days later and I agreed. He continued to ask similar questions, but also paid me endless compliments. He attempted making physical advances once again. This time, I decided I would let him kiss me. I really have no idea why. I was attracted to him, sure, but I knew it was wrong. It was like I totally didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway. He kept looking at my skin, like in a very up close way as if he was inspecting it. It was so weird. I felt very uncomfortable. He told me that, one day, he was going to examine every inch of my body. Was that supposed to turn me on?? He then told me he could "eat me alive". That was a new one to me. I passed it off as him just not knowing the correct phrase and that what he really wanted to say was "I could eat you up". He would look at me often with a blank stare, but then he'd go on to acting "normal" for a while. He was very friendly, a great listener, intelligent (although I think I'm a bit more savvy than the guy), very handsome, very generous. He came across as very caring, like a father in a way. He was 10 years older and that made me feel safe, which was odd in light of the things that made me feel very uncomfortable. That visit, he continued to try to push the envelope with me physically and I kept having to say no to the point of wanting to scream at him. He simply would not take no for an answer. I really should have ran out and never looked back. After that meeting, he told me that he loved me and that he knew that I was the woman he'd been looking for his entire life. Are you freaking kidding me????? This joker barely knew me. There is no way he's in love with me....and let's not forget his wife. He kept asking me if I was in love with him and I kept saying that I wasn't and asking him to stop bringing it up.
It came time to leave the office and, if I had counted, I am sure he sent me 50 messages that evening. He kept telling me he loved me, that I was beautiful, the woman for him and then he had the audacity to text and say "Will you marry me?? Spend the rest of your life with me?" WHAT?!??! I thought maybe he was just really grieving his failed marriage and that was why he was asking this. Little did I know, he was love bombing me.
I figured I needed to tell him to get his crap straightened out and then contact me. He'd agree and then the very next day contact me as if we'd never had the conversation. It was creepy. So, it was a very much on and off, back and forth kind of insanity. He told me he wanted to come to my house and demanded I tell him where I live. Who is this guy?? Foolishly, I told him. He came over one day and essentially forced himself on me. It was really quite a mind game because I really was attracted to him, so I totally wanted to be with him physically, but I really didn't want to be physical. He never seemed to take no for an answer or care how I felt. He just "took" what he wanted. He would even come over, pull his penis out of his pants, and try to cooerce me to play with him. I would be yelling at him to cut it out and he never seemed to have any sense of guilt or shame over his behavior. Countless times, I would tell him not to come over or not to call or text and he would anyway. He would leave me cards, flowers, and act like a whiney little baby. He always wanted to see my feet. All day long, he would ask me to send him pictures of my feet. EW. For a bit, I would do it, but then I realized that there was no satisfying his urges and that he would always ask for me. He'd sometimes text me 10 times in a day to ask for foot pictures. All day, he'd text me saying how in love with me he was, how I was the woman of his dreams, blah, blah, blah....I would ask him again not to contact me and he would agree, but then act like we never had the talk. I lost count of how many times he did this. He still would say to me all of the time "I could eat you alive". It began to terrify me. One day, I responded with "but not for real though, right?" He just looked down immediately after I said that.
He finally "dumped" me one day in some poorly acted, melodramatic moment. I just looked at him and said "you're just trying to manipulate me. That's all you do is manipulate." I turned around and walked out. Later that day, he began texting me like it never happened. I just cannot tell you how many times he did this. He would always ask me if I was seeing other men too. Just weird.
I should mention that he finally moved out, after one year and God knows how many break ups. I just could not get rid of this guy. I would make it as long as 3 or 4 weeks and then, I'd be giving him one more chance. It would usually begin with some random text message of him saying "just wanted to say hi and I hope you're doing well". I'd think he was just being sweet and say hi back. It wouldn't be long before he'd be asking me to come over, acting like nothing happened. He was so weird. He was always wanting me to tell him how much I loved him. He'd ask questions to try to get the response he wanted and if I didn't give him what he wanted, he'd be aggravated. So, I finally thought I had him out of my life. 3 months went by. He tried to call and tried to text, but I faithfully ignored all of his attempts. Until one day, I broke and texted him. The next thing you know, I was spending the night at his place, which I hated doing for numerous reasons. He would stare at me while I slept and I would wake up to find him doing so. It was as if he really never slept. It creeped me out. He would tell me he couldn't sleep while I was there...that he'd be so excited that he just had to watch me sleep. He was constantly saying how he loved having me in his bed and then he'd call it "our bed". He was looking for me to say the same thing. He'd ask me how much I loved sleeping in his bed. I'd tell him that, honestly, it was difficult for me to spend the night because I felt like I wasn't getting things done at home and that I also didn't appreciate where things always went physicallly....that I had finally just given up on the boundaries thing. He'd interrupt any conversation just to say he loved me and that I was beautiful, but I knew it was not genuine. I knew that he was trying to manipulate me into feeling responsible for him and that I wouldn't want to leave him. He said he wanted to take me to So Cal and take me shopping on Rodeo Drive and that he wants to go very soon. I know he wants to use this to manipulate me. Quite honestly, I don't even feel safe to go with him. I think he might be dangerous.
Well, that was a lot. I hope I didn't bore you all with this. I'm just processing and I know I need to get out of this. Again.