My mother is a sociopath (so I believe). As a child I was emotionally and physically abused. I was never recognized as a person and to this day (24 years old now) I am still terrified of my mother. My story is: At age 3 my biological father died due to a malpractice. My mom remarried around the time I was 5 or 6. The man she married is the only man I ever recall in my life. (My mom and first "dad" were divorced at the time he died). In my younger years I really didn't have any abuse going on that I can recall. It wasn't until 4th grade when the abuse began. Screaming and yelling at me that I was worthless, selfish, a bitch, greedy, unappreciative, spoiled.. (because I wanted a pair of Sketchers and when I said I wanted a pair I was humiliated in the middle of Walmart) When I hit puberty is when things got worse. I wasn't informed about sex, or the things girls need to know. My mother began to call me a slut by the age 13 and I hadn't even kissed a boy. She would control what I wore, how I acted, my hair. I was never allowed to cut my hair. Even when it reached my butt. My mother had to have complete control over every thing in my life. My body wasn't my body. She would come in the bathroom as I was taking a shower and yank the shower curtain back to yell at me. It was a way to embarrass me. She was jealous that I was young, petite, and had boobs. My mother has never told me she is proud of me. She has never done something "just because she's my mother" she talks badly about everyone in my family. I mean BADLY. She lies and manipulates, and never feels any remorse for anything she has said.
I once brought up how she hurt my feelings and her response was "well i was upset because you didn't ask me how I felt" she has never been able to say "sorry". When my dad recently had a very invasive surgery she completely shunned me. She wouldn't talk to me and even told my older sister not to speak to me. She is sick. I hope what you are going through you can find the strength to open up to someone in your family. It took me til about a month ago to tell my aunt. All of my sisters were abused by her as well. We just never told anyone. Talking to someone is the best thing. An adult you know you can trust rather you're a child or an adult. You need to pour it all out. You can write back to me if you want.. just know there is much more comfort in telling someone that just dealing..

Wish you the best,
NM

Hey.
I have many things to reply, I just dont want to do it in public.
Im sending you a message in private.

All the memories that I have of my father have always, for as long as I can remember, been accompanied by a very deep panic. I have understood that he is a sociopath and this is why I feel this way. The hardest thing for me is that he has a lot of really great qualities and he is such a good Dad in so many ways, however, the abuse incurred from sociopathic behavior is so damaging that it remains near impossible for me to have any actual relationship with him. Though his efforts to make things up to me have felt monumental at times. It has also taught me to be very unstable, being given the highs and lows all through development, but never being given consistent stable love.

Examples of traumatizing behaviors have included:
-Inappropriate sexuality and sexual abuse
-Building me up just to break me down/Mind-games/Control tactics
-Humiliation
-Bullying
-Threats
-Enjoying torturing me/taking advantage of the vulnerability of the child/Sadism

I am a grown woman now. Unfortunately, the repercussions of having a father like this have made it impossible for me to trust anyone. I associate so much pain with any relationship where I have to be vulnerable, that it's very hard for me to have these relationships and I typically sabotage or just end things because it feels retraumatizing for me every time. This refers to all relationships in my life, not just romantic ones. It is very difficult for me to be close to anyone.

I have found ethical people to be the easiest for me to develop closer bonds with and they don't expect me to put myself in vulnerable situations, but treat me with kindness if I am. So those have been very good and healing relationships for me.

Work relationships are typically the most damaging, as many people have been competing with me and/or trying to exploit what they can from me. Currently, I am trying to find a healthier work environment.

But to be honest I have had to make unique relationships in order to process some of the deep trauma from my past and the journey to healing from developmental abuse is incredibly hard.

Yep, I grew up with 2 sociopaths parents. At age 43 I am still dealing with the after effects of the deep emotional wounds it left me.

My.work.environment is bad too. Others trying compete with me for no reason, are disrespectful, be manipulatve for power and control. I need a healthier work environment too.