I have seen a lot of posts about wanting justice or revenge against the N or P who has harmed you. Many worry that it looks like their N/P ex has moved on and looks to be leading a happier, more successful, or easier life than you are. Some wonder whether there will be justice later in this life or whether it will have to wait for another life, karma you know.

Happily, I can say that 3 1/2 years post-divorce from my uNPD/P/BPD exH, I am seeing justice right here, right now.

When I filed for divorce from him, I falsely believed that I would be able to move on as I envisioned my life, into a good "after". I imagined that my friends would see how well I was doing and how badly I anticipated he would do, and it would be obvious who the problem person was. Well, as you can probably imagine, it did not turn out like that. Not then.

The divorce was acrimonious and draining in every way. I was a wreck at the end of it, under a huge amount of things to deal with, low on money too. My main priority was my kids, and I took a back seat in every way. I looked and felt like a wreck, and worse, did not care much. Meanwhile my ex managed, with my help (some forced via divorce and some volunteered to make things OK for the kids), to move into a nice house, get a decent car, find a reasonable job (a new thing for him, but had to drive him to near-homelessness to get him moving on getting a job), start looking better physically, and not too much later, find a new girlfriend. Now, I no longer cared about him, so the girlfriend was not an issue, except that the sum total of all that made him look pretty good while I looked pretty bad. And that irked me. I felt that I would look worse off and therefore worse, to my kids, and to my friends. I feared I had not proved any point other than that divorce is destructive.

But move to now. Although I am still (!) not fully out of the woods, I am looking and feeling much better, after both medical and psychological treatment for years and now taking on sports and working out. I'm in a nice house that is finally taking shape. My career has still not recovered and likely won't until my kids are out of the nest, but there are some signs of light there. My friends seem to have realized what my ex is, and support me. I have gotten into a new and wonderful relationship with someone who is actually caring, and boy, what a difference that is! My kids have come to their own realization and understanding of what their father is, at least in part, enough to prefer living with me virtually all the time. They don't like living at his house due to the negativity and tension that pervades it and due to all the nasty things he has done to them.

So now, I am away happily spending time with my new boyfriend, with my kids staying in my house (one is over 18). The younger is supposed to go to his father's for spring break, but refuses to do so. He does not want to be with him, and usually his father, realizing that and not really caring that much most of the time, just lets it go as my son is almost 18 and so is allowed to express a preference. So my ex is sitting home alone (his girlfriend lives long-distance and I'm not sure that's going so well at this point). His children are not too far away, but they don't want to come over and see him or stay with him, or frankly even answer the phone when he calls. They have rejected him now, just as he rejected them so many times. Even the dog does not want to go over to my ex's as he ignores him and sometimes starves him (though I've told him if that happens again, the dog no longer will go over there.)

My ex finally could not stand the solitude, being an N. He has erupted in every way, but nobody will come to his rescue. Nobody will give him the supply he needs. He has pissed off the rest of his family and friends. He sits around by himself in his house. He is facing losing the house he could not afford. I warned him not to commit to a too-expensive home, but he did not listen. He is looking the worse for wear, and if I am not imagining it, his facial features are starting to reflect his constant negativity. He's aging (bad for a N), won't work out any more, and really is no longer able to fake normalcy much, let alone pleasantery. His kids are wary of him, and mostly will not interact with him -- their choice -- I did not force that or even encourage it, but I certainly did not fight it! He is thinking of moving away, probably to start over where people do not know who and what he is, but far from his family and his kids.

In short, he is alone and his life is mostly not that pleasant, sucking even.

I am not alone, with a new boyfriend I really care about on a long-term basis, and my kids and dog happy to be with me. I have good friends who see what I have overcome and enjoy spending time with me. I am doing meaningful work meant to help others, although that is still not the career level I envision eventually getting back to. I am focused on bringing up my kids out of the cycle of abuse and cognizant of what they need to learn to recognize in order to avoid, in a way that I hope will lead to them having a happy life. We all have some good times. We do things with my friends and their friends. I still have not quite gotten to the rosy "after" I envisioned, but I am well on the way there, with some unforeseen good surprises too.

I was relishing the contrast today, and thought I would share it with those who hope this can happen. Living happily ever after is the best revenge.

Yes, there is justice in the world concerning these Ns and Ps. And yes, it can happen in this lifetime, even if it may not seem like it now.