Hosana, It has been my experience they will leverage any possible item to keep a connection with you. If it is something they want, they will find a way to get it. However, if you are an honest person (which you probably are because you were chosen by a P) there is also an option that they may go a different route. P's love to cause moral dilemmas for empathic people. Just to give you an example, I have some of ex P's family heirlooms which I have tried to give back. He has told me he does not want "my junk" in writing to try and confuse the situation and make it appear like I am trying to offload useless items from my storage on him. These heirlooms include some of his family photos and handcrafted family furniture. Some of it is approaching 75 to 100 years old. I am paying for storage and would like to return it to him. I struggle with disposing or selling it, because I do not feel it is my property. However, I do not want it in my home as it is a bad reminder of him. He relishes in causing this moral dilemma for me and counts on me doing the right thing.

I put my ex's things in storage, too. I paid two months storage rent, sent a message to him where his things were, and told him I wasn't going to pay anymore on the storage. I didn't want him to have a reason for coming back, not even a toothbrush.

Spirit: Excellent post. Years ago, I packed up everything a guy had given me and delivered it to the office in his development. Did not want to ever see him again. I put the box in the office, quickly told the woman who it belonged to and got out before she could ask any questions! He called in shock - I hung up and that was it!! They cannot imagine we never want any contact with them. Sometimes it is exactly what they need to eventually change or seek help.

Something tht was his and left behing iwill throw avay with no hesitation. promises or what ever it should be does not count anymore. me beeing a trustfull anh honest person all my life was what he used in hid manipulation. I am not like him or will ever be but i am no longr a pray or target for him. final !!!

Fiskeboll, I'm so glad to hear you're feeling stronger! Good for you! Yes, getting rid of any kind of reminders is so important. As long as they have any kind of item at our homes or surroundings that belongs to the abusers, it gives them an opportunity to show up on our doorstep and create more pain. Distancing ourselves from them is a major key to healing and recovery.

Mine acted like he was too hurt to come get the rest of his things - fact is I know he was just too much of a whimp to come get them and look me in the eye. He knows what he did was wrong and doesn't want to face the face of truth. I donated it all and sold what was valuable.

The problem is my ex left only three months ago and i dont know if i will ever hear from him again, because this has never happend to me before. to make matters worse i have to drive past his old work to get to mine all i know is that he is 8hrs away somewhere in another state. so i dont know if in a year or so he will come back

You should not want anyone who treats you poorly back. If you have given him opportunity or if not give home a time limit to get his things with a notice you will discard after that date. If he doesn't get those things throw them out or donate them. You owe him nothing.

I agree Mizd, we owe them nothing. Ive always been too responsible for my own good. My ex was lucky I didn't burn it all. I thought about it.

Five months after my ex split on me in the middle of the night, driving five states away, taking nothing but electronics and clothes and money, I have come to the realization that the crap they leave behind means nothing to them anyway, or they wouldn't have left it. All that stuff is just a reason to stay in contact and manipulate some more. I sent my ex a lot of her shit back like family photos and kids memorabilia, which was stupid because I doubt she even cared about that stuff. She tried to get me to store what furniture I hadn't thrown into the street in a storage unit and I almost complied, but by that point she had devalued me to such an extent I got mad and threw the rest of it into the street, took a picture and texted it to her.

But even when I did that I kinda felt bad, because of course the moral dilemma was ever present. Now that I see it's just a ploy to pull some strings and stay in my life in a very sick way, I don't feel bad about it. But I did struggle for 3 months on what to do with a house full of her and her kid's shit. In moments of clarity lots of it went to the city dump.

My only regret is that I didn't listen to my therapist's advice right after she left and dumped everything immediately. But I had no idea what was going on.

*I add, some of what she asked me to store had sentimental value for her, or so she claimed, but the woman has no sentiments. She probably needed to get someone off her back for leaving all her crap here, some of which were family heirlooms.

The issue i have is i dont know where he is only that a depertment contacted his old boss who he walked out on and left a good job the lazy prick to ask for a work separation certificate by law the company has to comply. but as for me he left no forwarding address no number nothing, so unless he has done this many times before and comes back after a year, to me the way i feel want make any difference cause the pain of what he has done will resurface, and i wish i had the strength to start to dispose of his belongings i cant bring myself to do it. I know i have to eventually but how can i turn my heart to cold for him when inside the hardest thing is i know im not that sort of human being, i always see the good in people. I hate him for everything he has put me through physically mentally, emotionally, i need to heal frist in order to think what to do with his crap escepially his machinery . and count the days when i can get rid of it and then use that money to get things i have missed out in my life.

I kept my ex's possessions in the fantasy that she was gonna come back for them. In the end, they were just reasons to keep messing with me.

Someone somewhere said that sociopaths love putting you into a moral dilemma. Trust me. They don't give a toot about that stuff. It's only a reason to pretend there is a connection and it's a way to keep wasting your time.

Throw it out. It means nothing to them.

There is a point where they cannot control us unless we let them, because they are gone and we are left with the chaos in our lives and we have the right to choose how to act.
I wrote a post here about the psychopath's control over women. He always left a part of him behind, so he can control them. Furniture, money issues, etc.
But after reading this I realized, they can get ridd of him if they want. Just like I git ridd of him.
Some women want to remain close to the psychopath in spite of everything.

I know I"m late on this post but there's a time limit, it usually varies by state, after that time, have they not returned for their belongings, you become the legal owner. If it's old, sell it to someone who will care about it, or donate it, give it away. Anything that can get it away from you.

My sister left her crap here, with my parents permission, for a bloody year and a half. (It was nothing, clothes that didn't fit, and books she didn't like.) only they were so important to her she got upset if I so much as suggested we get rid of them. Or if I suggested she come back for them, she always claimed she didn't have the space. (They were all kept in a storage bin about the size of two microwaves.) Even after she got her own place (and wasn't bumming off people) she still didn't think she could find a place for it. I eventually threw it into a burn pile.

These people are all right, listen to them, they can help.