Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hey all,
My mind feels boggled. So it's been just over a year since my relationship ended with ex socio...and I feel like I'm pretty ready to dip my toes back into the dating pool. I have been going to meetup groups to meet new people but as far as dating goes I don't think most meetup people are looking for dates, but more for people to hang out with. And so far not much has come of that in the way of dating, although I have enjoyed meeting new people. So I've been doing the online dating thing as well...but here's the thing. I feel like either I am unable to properly judge people's sincerity or every guy I have talked to is a P. Like today I spoke to this guy on the phone for the first time. He has children. After talking to me for quite a lengthy time on the phone he says "you sound like someone who would be a great mom". Now I feel very flattered hearing this because I happen to agree, but I am ALWAYS on the lookout now for potential P behaviour. I always wonder every time I get a compliment if it's genuine or if I'm being hooked and lured by a cold vampire-like soul sucking creature. I wish there was an easier way to tell other than spending time with them! I'm a pretty strong person I think, but I'm scared to end up with another one.
I feel like my radar is on overdrive now. Everything I know about P's I now turn on my radar and pick apart information I receive. He tells me I'm beautiful, smart, etc from what he can tell so far. Well he's seen my pics, he's talked to me...and so I guess his compliments aren't totally off base, but I'm thinking, wow this guy is really forthcoming with the compliments, and my brain is going off like a siren "ALERT ALERT< POSSIBLE P!" I almost feel like any compliment I receive now cannot possibly be genuine...or maybe it is because these compliments are coming early on. He asked a lot of questions about me. Again, my brain is on alert, he's searching for information so he can lure me into his trap! But am I right or am I just on high alert for anyone and everyone? This is what's plaguing me. I have to believe there are still SOME decent guys out there. But I also realize I am an easy target. I have been a part of the P/S/N cycle for far too long, I am STILL (after all this time) an easily trusting or naive person...despite knowing the evil that exists in the world I still want to see only the good.
This guy did tell me some things about himself too. Some are normal things, one I found a bit alarming. So normal things: he told me where he lives now, where he grew up, his first and middle name (we didn't offer up last names yet), he told me about his job which appears to be a steady well paying job, he told me about a couple of ex girlfriends (one turned out to be someone I went to elementary school with and remembered her very well as always being a nice person). The girl I went to elementary school with it sounds like he had a serious relationship with her for awhile and he said he recently chatted with her and she's now married with kids and doing well. He had nice things to say about her. The mother of his children however, not such nice things. He didn't call her a bitch or anything but said she's very messed up and says his children were just apprehended from her a month ago and are now in foster care. I used to work in the foster care system so I know a fair bit about it. He said he was not given a chance to take the children himself and relatives were not asked to take them...which is the part I find alarming because typically in our system here if kids are apprehended the first thing they do is look for appropriate family to take them rather than leaving them in foster care. So this has me wondering why they would not have asked him. He claims it is because of a court case currently in progress regarding custody and that placing them with him in the middle of a custody case would not allow things to be neutral (however how were they neutral if the kids were living with mom?). He says the system is discriminatory against men in general when it comes to child custody. He said prior to this stuff happening with mom he had split 50% custody. I don't know, but the whole thing makes me wonder. Aside from the custody stuff and messed up mom he talked about, he seems like a fairly normal guy (but then don't they all?). He talked about what kind of person he would like to meet, things he enjoys doing etc. But my brain is scanning the conversation: did he ask me too many questions, did he ask too personal of questions, did he give me too many compliments, did he show too much interest, did he did he did he?
So I just think maybe I might be on hyper-alert looking for anything that could be a possible warning sign. And maybe that is good because it will keep me from the P's. On the other hand I wonder with each guy, at what point to I bolt and run? Do I meet them in person and then decide? Do I decide after chatting, texting and talking on the phone? Do I give them 3 dates and then decide? I feel like at this rate I won't give anyone a real chance because anything they say can be taken wrong by me.
How is it that I feel ready and safe to start dating again and at the same time when I talk to a guy I am almost in this computerized scanning for P behaviour mode? It's so contradictory. Makes me crazy in itself. *sigh*
My mind feels boggled. So it's been just over a year since my relationship ended with ex socio...and I feel like I'm pretty ready to dip my toes back into the dating pool. I have been going to meetup groups to meet new people but as far as dating goes I don't think most meetup people are looking for dates, but more for people to hang out with. And so far not much has come of that in the way of dating, although I have enjoyed meeting new people. So I've been doing the online dating thing as well...but here's the thing. I feel like either I am unable to properly judge people's sincerity or every guy I have talked to is a P. Like today I spoke to this guy on the phone for the first time. He has children. After talking to me for quite a lengthy time on the phone he says "you sound like someone who would be a great mom". Now I feel very flattered hearing this because I happen to agree, but I am ALWAYS on the lookout now for potential P behaviour. I always wonder every time I get a compliment if it's genuine or if I'm being hooked and lured by a cold vampire-like soul sucking creature. I wish there was an easier way to tell other than spending time with them! I'm a pretty strong person I think, but I'm scared to end up with another one.
I feel like my radar is on overdrive now. Everything I know about P's I now turn on my radar and pick apart information I receive. He tells me I'm beautiful, smart, etc from what he can tell so far. Well he's seen my pics, he's talked to me...and so I guess his compliments aren't totally off base, but I'm thinking, wow this guy is really forthcoming with the compliments, and my brain is going off like a siren "ALERT ALERT< POSSIBLE P!" I almost feel like any compliment I receive now cannot possibly be genuine...or maybe it is because these compliments are coming early on. He asked a lot of questions about me. Again, my brain is on alert, he's searching for information so he can lure me into his trap! But am I right or am I just on high alert for anyone and everyone? This is what's plaguing me. I have to believe there are still SOME decent guys out there. But I also realize I am an easy target. I have been a part of the P/S/N cycle for far too long, I am STILL (after all this time) an easily trusting or naive person...despite knowing the evil that exists in the world I still want to see only the good.
This guy did tell me some things about himself too. Some are normal things, one I found a bit alarming. So normal things: he told me where he lives now, where he grew up, his first and middle name (we didn't offer up last names yet), he told me about his job which appears to be a steady well paying job, he told me about a couple of ex girlfriends (one turned out to be someone I went to elementary school with and remembered her very well as always being a nice person). The girl I went to elementary school with it sounds like he had a serious relationship with her for awhile and he said he recently chatted with her and she's now married with kids and doing well. He had nice things to say about her. The mother of his children however, not such nice things. He didn't call her a bitch or anything but said she's very messed up and says his children were just apprehended from her a month ago and are now in foster care. I used to work in the foster care system so I know a fair bit about it. He said he was not given a chance to take the children himself and relatives were not asked to take them...which is the part I find alarming because typically in our system here if kids are apprehended the first thing they do is look for appropriate family to take them rather than leaving them in foster care. So this has me wondering why they would not have asked him. He claims it is because of a court case currently in progress regarding custody and that placing them with him in the middle of a custody case would not allow things to be neutral (however how were they neutral if the kids were living with mom?). He says the system is discriminatory against men in general when it comes to child custody. He said prior to this stuff happening with mom he had split 50% custody. I don't know, but the whole thing makes me wonder. Aside from the custody stuff and messed up mom he talked about, he seems like a fairly normal guy (but then don't they all?). He talked about what kind of person he would like to meet, things he enjoys doing etc. But my brain is scanning the conversation: did he ask me too many questions, did he ask too personal of questions, did he give me too many compliments, did he show too much interest, did he did he did he?
So I just think maybe I might be on hyper-alert looking for anything that could be a possible warning sign. And maybe that is good because it will keep me from the P's. On the other hand I wonder with each guy, at what point to I bolt and run? Do I meet them in person and then decide? Do I decide after chatting, texting and talking on the phone? Do I give them 3 dates and then decide? I feel like at this rate I won't give anyone a real chance because anything they say can be taken wrong by me.
How is it that I feel ready and safe to start dating again and at the same time when I talk to a guy I am almost in this computerized scanning for P behaviour mode? It's so contradictory. Makes me crazy in itself. *sigh*
I guess I ask for feedback here because I really don't want to be paranoid and at the same time don't want to go down the path to hell again either. At the very least the feedback I receive helps me realize my radar is pretty accurate and I need to trust it. I will give it some time, a few more conversations. He doesn't live here...lives a couple hours away...which I also don't like...so just wait a bit n see I guess.
So basically during our conversation this morning he told me the name of the little town he grew up in (population 364) and the name of the town he now lives and works in. In 2005 there was a guy that went postal on the cops and shot and killed 4 cops (one of which happened by chance to be a friend of my brother) on a farm in that same town he (the guy I met online) grew up in and then after a full-on rampage was finally shot and killed by police himself. That GUY has the same last name as this guy. Further reading told me that that guy lived on a farm in the same tiny town that this guy grew up in (who also says he grew up on a farm). Further reading told me that THAT guy's mother also had a much younger son with the same FIRST name as the guy that I met online, and the cop killer was his half-brother but basically became his "surrogate father" due to being so much older, and whom he (the younger brother) "idolized" despite repeated beatings and physical violence by him. The cop killer also sexually abused teenage boys.
So here's an example to piece it together in case that didn't make much sense. Mom has 2 sons, one who is an older teenager and one who is just little. First son is named Bart Simpson, second son is named Homer. I meet a guy online named Homer. I search him out on facebook and find his full name is Homer Simpson and he grew up in the same tiny populated town as Bart Simpson did and also grew up on a farm like Bart Simpson did. Bart Simpson just happens to be a psychopathic cop killer who had a little brother named Homer who idolized him despite repeated beatings. Hmmmm...............
So I compared pictures of this murderer with pictures of the P. He would have been about 15 years older if this was really his brother. I definitely see some resemblance.
I never really knew the history of that guy who killed the cops, but I do remember when that incident happened, in large part because my brother was friends with one of the cops that died. All I remembered was that guy was crazy and he was definitely psychopathic. I didn't think it was a coincidence that this guy has the same last name as the cop killer and same first name as the younger brother in that article I read. Especially given the population of that place. So I talked to him on the phone again tonight just to see if my instinct on this was correct. I asked him if he still has family living in the area where he lives and if he sees them much. He said he does have a lot of family in the area and sees some of them occasionally. I asked how many siblings he has...he said he has 10 siblings and he is the youngest and named off a few of them. He said he's probably closest with his sister who is 11 years older than him. So I did some more research (thank you google) and found an article about this family. The article listed the names and dates of birth of all the siblings he named (he told me names of 4 of them). Now, I am not one to judge people given the history of one person in their family, being that my own father made national headlines for attempted child abduction, which given that my last name is the same as his could reflect on me the same as it would on anyone else who had a major incident in their family that could reflect poorly. But given the abuse within this family, given that this guys brother whom he "idolized" killed 4 police officers, given that his children are apprehended and social services are not looking to him to take them but rather leave them in foster care, and given that he asked me a ton of questions and showered me with flattery on our first phone call....um hell YES my instincts are correct! And we all know that given one psychopath in a family there tends to be more.
I sure know how to find em...I am definitely a P magnet! I think I can officially close my online dating profile now :