Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
when i have good days i pick up the strength i go into my garage that where my p spends most of his time, and each time i do it breaks me, as this is where he spent most of his time doing work well i went to open up one of the draws and i was so shocked to find over 100 empty cigarette packets in this draw. can anyone please give me clarification of why he would of kept this he was a smoker but is this normal, his garage is messy but to find that he kept empty packs why did he not through them in the bin, he hoards stuff, but is this another one of their sickly mind things they do. this is one of he reason why it takes me so long to find myself going into the garage to one day eventually have to sort out all this crap is so much of a headache and very heartbreaking for me, im already going through hell, and to find this i honestly think what a sick ...... well i took them out of the draw and tossed them into the bin, and each packet i was throwing i thought to myself, what you have done to me i hope all these packets you smoke gives you lung cancer, and your new victim, suffers the last years with you. for all the pain you caused me, and then i hate myself cause i wouldn't want to cast or think that on anyone not even on my worse enemy so i say forgive me lord for thinking that way.
I torment myself wanting to know if my wife consciously does what she does to intentionally inflict hurt, if she does it knowing, but just not caring either way, or if she is incapable of understanding at all. In the end it only matters that I know her motivations have nothing to do with any care or concern for me. She is the only one that knows the truth behind what she does and the truth is something we will never get from them.
I have no idea what your garage looks like, if it looks anything like mine my suggestion won't go very far, but if its possible get some boxes, some blankets or tarps and box up everything of his. You don't need to worry about whether you should get rid of it. Just box it up, cover what you can't box, and move it as far out of your way as possible, boxed and covered so you don't have to see it. Then take back those drawers. Clean them if you need to and find some stuff of yours and fill them up. Do it as a gesture to yourself. Your heart, soul and mind are still cluttered with his junk too. Think of those drawers as a part of you and take them back.
He hurt you deeply, of course you will have times you want him to be hurt too. You are still in there, you recognize you don't like the thoughts this ordeal has produced, and you check yourself. Don't beat yourself up, you are a good person, with a good heart, you are just hurting.
So sorry you have to go through this alone, its not fair he wounded you and left you to suffer on your own, but we know that is what they do. Thinking about you, keep taking advantage of those good days, that's something I need to work on.